Definitely, Maybe

‘This used to be Veronas remember?’ Aneesh pointed out to the shop that stood at the famous Besant Nagar intersection.‘It was always as crowded as it is now, but there was this feeling of cosiness at that place. Don't you think so?’

Tara was lost in her thoughts. Though she was looking in the direction where Aneesh's hands were pointing, but her mind was elsewhere.‘Tara... where you lost?’

Tara looked confused for a second before replying ' Yeah and they made the best Burgers in entire Chennai here. Its a pity that Veronas closed down. Too many people have fond memories of that place.'

'Yeah, who can forget that.. You want to take a walk in the water? Lets get our feet wet.' Aneesh was already beginning to cross the road towards the beach. Tara paused a bit, as though evaluating whether to follow Aneesh. She just glanced to the right and left and scurried across.

---------

'But I don't Understand, this is crazy. Why suddenly? What happened? ' Aneesh yelled over the phone.

'It is not sudden. I have been thinking about it. for a while.' Tara's voice for steady and betrayed no emotion. Aneesh was stumped. The moment he heard the tone of the statement, he knew she had made up her mind.

'Ok fine you have been thinking about it. But shouldn't you have been talking to me? I am your boyfriend. And you have been thinking of jettisoning mid way.'

' I didn’t think it was necessary.'

'What is that exactly supposed to mean? You didn’t think it was necessary’. Aneesh voice was bellowing in the corridor where he sat with his cordless phone. He picked himself up and walked up to the terrace into the open. There was a small nook behind the stairs that took one to the water tank where he would often sit and chat with Tara. The nook was shielded from the sun by the stairs and was always cool and damp. He found the same spot today.

You would talk to me on what clothes to wear but for this decision you didn't think it was necessary. Are you mad? I refuse to accept this as a decision, we need to talk’.

‘Aneesh, yes we can talk. And we will talk. But this is it Aneesh. I would urge you to accept my decision for I've made up my mind. It wouldn't work out between us’.

‘Ok. So tell me why would it not work out?’ Aneesh was beginning to sob. The previous sentence from Tara had hit him with the force of a steam roller.

‘Aneesh. I am sorry to hurt you. I am. But it might just prove detrimental for both of us in the long run. so I think this is the decision for both of us.’ Aneesh sat quietly. He was seething with rage. ‘Aneesh?’ Tara whispered softly. Oh! how much he loved it when she called out his name in that manner. ‘You there?’ Tara's voice was louder this time.

‘Hey.. hey.. don't you dare use that line of thinking on me. If you want to take a decision that is best for you, go ahead and do it. Don't you bother packaging it and making it sound as though it is in my best interest. I know my best interest and according to me is exactly opposite to what you are suggesting at this moment’.

‘Fine. But this is the way it is going to be Aneesh. You better accept it. And I don't want to meet you for a few days’.

‘Tara. If this is what makes you happy, great. We shall have it that way. But if you could ask me out in person, then well the least you could do is break up in person’.

‘Oh.. Aneesh!’ Tara voice stumbled as she broke down and was bawling on the other end. ‘I am sorry Aneesh, but don't ask me to do that’.

-----------

Tara walked silently looking down at her feet as it impressed upon the shifting sand. Each step seemed to carve out a pattern that was different from the previous. ‘Is it the sand, or my eyes that is playing a trick?’ Tara wondered as she prodded along beside Aneesh.

It had been 7 years since they had broken up. Tara memory of her relationship with Aneesh was vague. But what was clear then was that she couldn't stand his idiosyncrasies. While they were friends there had been a tacit understanding of personal space that was inviolable but when they started dating, the invisible lines suddenly blurred and problems increased manifold. The relationship didn't last too long. She had graduated and moved to US to do her Masters. There she had started seeing Ishwar. Ishwar was one year senior in her university and was a very close friend of her roommate. Within a month of landing in US she had started dating Ishwar. They had been going strong for 6 years. He had graduated and joined a technology firm in Silicon Valley and she followed suit the next year. They were living in together and for all practical purposes they were a couple. After 2 years of working, she applied and got into London School of Economics to study Developmental Economics. Ishwar in the same year moved back to India and joined a B-school in India and for the first time they began long distance relationship.

It had been difficult. While they had spoken about how they would cope with long distance relationship and made elaborate plans, the reality turned out to be quite different. What definitely did not help the cause beyond the time zone difference, co-ordination of free time between projects and job searches was the fact that Aneesh was posted in London and Tara and Aneesh has started hanging out a lot together. And by the time she completed her internship stint in Rwanda researching micro financing, she had realised that a corporate career in India is not what she wanted in near and distant future and suddenly her future plans with Ishwar, who was determined to run his family business started feeling alien. She suggested options and possibilities about their future to Ishwar, one that required equal adjustments from both of them. With all her attempts defeated, breakup was inevitable. What hurt her was that it was nasty and the last thing Ishwar said to her before slamming the phone down was ‘ Two timing swine’

------------

‘The broken bridge is still there you know?’ Aneesh tried to break the awkward silence. They had hung out a lot in London and travelled a lot of UK together. They never seemed to run out of conversation topics. Aneesh, had never really gotten over Tara, but had resigned to the inevitable. It took him a while before he started seeing Neha. Neha was his colleague at the London office. She was cheerful by nature. High on energy, smart with a sense of humour that Aneesh labelled as sarcastically witty. Her wise cracks were usually followed by a second of silence (to comprehend the wit) before peals of laughter erupted. She was kind of girl who would be instantlyliked by all, which she was. The number of proposals or interests as Aneesh termed them that she received every month numbered more than what one could count on two hands. Aneesh never bothered to ask Neha, why she chose his expression of interest over the many others. Not that it mattered anyway.

Neha and Aneesh and Tara hung out a lot together in the initial days of Tara's arrival in London. But in the last 6 months, it had been only Tara and him. Aneesh felt strong undercurrents over the past year. A strange sort of tension. It was as though every conversation was loaded with history that could be sensed but not comprehended. For a third party observer, Aneesh and Neha were obviously comfortable with each other and could've been mistaken for being an item, however, every now and then, they would stop abruptly, as if they hit an invisible wall.

Aneesh, had been evaluating his feelings over past 6 months. He was definitely in love with Neha. He cared deeply for Tara. How deeply was the question. The last two months when Tara had been away, he had spent the entire time with Neha and had been convinced where his future lay. He was even more convinced when she got along fabulously well with his brother. She was smart and she loved him. At times. he found it shocking that he was even thinking twice about Neha. He was going home, to Chennai, and he decided that he would break the news to his parents. He sat on his terrace, in the nook behind the staircase where the dampness protected him from the terrible Chennai heat. He came to this favourite nook to bring some calm to his fickle mind. His mind wandered. He caught himself thinking about Neha whether she would be thinking of him, just like he was thinking about her. He picked himself up, walked down to his parents and blurted the news about Neha. His parents surprisingly took it well, and at the end of the hour long conversation wanted to meet Neha at the earliest.

He skipped down the staircase, started his bike and sped straight to the beach where he was to meet Tara.

-----

Tara plunged herself into her research. She would ensure that she tired herself out through the day so that she could have a dreamless sleep at night. At the end of her stay in Rwanda, she flew back home for a short break. She mailed Aneesh only to discover that he was also in Chennai and they had decided to meet at the beach.

Tara arrived half an hour ahead of time. The sun was still burning over the horizon and there was hardly anyone at the beach. The peddlers were still setting up their stores. A kid was blowing balloons to be stuck up on a white sheet, to serve as targets for pellet gun shots. Maybe, this beach was a bad decision, she thought to herself. She had many memories of Aneesh with this place. Like the time when Aneesh had dared her to sit on the bike facing the opposite direction as he drove at crazy speeds over the bumpers. She was surprised with herself. For the last 5-6 years whenever she spoke or thought of Aneesh, it was about the fun they had together and not never in relationship context. She did not even know that these memories existed. As she waited for Aneesh, she prepared herself not to burst out into tears on seeing him. She hadn't spoken about her breakup with anyone over the past month. She feared that she would soon lose it if she didn't let it out.

----------

'Aneesh shall we sit down for a bit?'

'Sure da' By this time Aneesh was sure that something was definitely amiss with Tara. He hadn't seen Tara this uncomfortable earlier, but chose to ignore the situation. They sat down staring at the dark sea, speckled with lights from the ships at a distance, standing in line at the entrance of the port. She wasn't the most talkative, but she was uncomfortable with the silences. 'Silences, between two people when they are not doing anything else, is a sure shot indication that the zing in the relationship needs to be revived.' Was her standard statement.

Aneesh was bursting within. He wanted blurt out the details of the day to Tara. On how ecstatic he was about his parent's reaction. He hadn't even spoken to Neha about it. He was just waiting for the right time to blabber it all out.

'Aneesh..' She looked up at him. His face seemed to form a pretty silhouette against the bluish black sky.

' Do you think we met too early? what if we hadn't met then, but sometime later... like may be now...'

Rear view mirror

This is part two. Please read part 1 here.

It was a long flight back for Diya. She did not like long flights. She could never sleep. She always felt that if she dozed off, there would be no one to fly the plane. 'And anyways, all airplanes have this strange smell', she would argue. She would take longer time to recover from the airplane experience than even jet lag.

All the passengers were sleeping. Hers was the only reading light on. She was looking through pictures of her childhood. Those days seemed so far away in her memory. Everything was one big blur. Of course she remembered a few instances which were etched in her memory, like when she was 10 years old and was taken sari shopping with her mom and aunts. She had liked a bluish green sari and asked her mom to buy it for herself which she promptly did. Or this other time when she was 16 and her cousin who was 14 had just 'come of age' and was regaling her with 'non-veg' jokes, sitting under the shade of water tank on a hot summer afternoon. She remembered one and let herself give out a half smile.

But as she looked through most of her other old snaps, she realised that she remembered when and where the pictures were taken but nothing much beyond it. Maybe it was just her current state of mind. She fidgeted with her book, her ipod and her albums spending equally less time with all of them. She knew that soon, she would start thinking of her mother and how to handle/ react to whatever situation that she would face when she landed. It would have been so much easier if Dave was with her now. But she knew he was right. ‘It is your family and you need to confront them. Plus its the worst time for me to meet your family for the first time.'

She caught herself thinking that something might happen to her mother while she is on the flight? She quickly dismissed the thought, telling herself to think positively and quickly sent a prayer upwards to her 'ishtdevata'. She wondered whether the prayer would reach Him faster as she was already up in the air. Her mind quickly shifted to her father. How would he react? A quiet man, he was complete contrast to the other three members in the house. Her mom, brother and she were loud, always talking and gossiping. At nights, they would sit in the kitchen discussing and dissecting the events of the day while he would sit reading his paper or business magazine. He was unassuming and a man of few words. But off late she had started to realised that she seemed to be more like her father in her thought process. And the more she thought about it, she realised that her dad, in his own silent way, had left more impressions on her than she had earlier realised.

'We are now entering Indian airspace', the captain's voice suddenly crackled through the speakers. She could almost feel the 'collective homecoming' of all the passengers around. As the plane aligned itself for landing in Chennai, she could spot the coast line and outline of the Coovum river. Her mind immediately registered the Coovum smell. It was instinctive. Years of train travel had taught her that Basin Bridge and Coovum smell meant that Central station was just a minute away. But that minute would seem like eternity.

The sudden jolt of the plane landing reminded her to switch on her blackberry. She heaved a sigh of relief as she read 'Amma normal - out of ICU' in the subject line. She looked out of the window as the plane taxied itself to its bay. She couldn't control the stream of tears that were flowing down her cheek. And this time, she did not want to.

She let her suitcase fall as she gave her brother a big hug. 'She's fine?'

'Yes she is. No problem at all. Out of ICU - in regular room. Under observation for a week.'

'What exactly happened? '

'A not too mild but not too serious kind of heart attack. A clot. Plus her diabetes complicated the operation a bit. I don't know too many details. I landed from few hours ago myself. You can ask appa. We are going to the hospital directly.'

‘I don't know how to face him. Is amma conscious? I can't face both together.'

'Yes she is conscious, I spoke to her. And you aren't going back after travelling half way around the world without meeting them, are you? Things would be uneasy first; but they would be fine. Don’t worry akka, you are after all their daughter. So tell me, how long you here, how is Dave?'

But Diya was not listening. She was watching the streetlights in the rear view mirror, wondering if those streetlights were actually closer or in fact farther than what they appeared.

She sat at the common area of 4th floor. She made her brother sit with her, in silence. She did not know what to do next.

'Appa..' She stood up.

'Go see amma. She is awake.' There was no smile or anger in the voice or on his face.

She walked steadily towards the room, opened the door and walked in holding her brother's hand. Her mom lay there in her nighty. She was sitting up and looked straight at them.

'Amma..' Her voice choked as tears flowed down her cheeks.

'Why have you come now? '

'Amma.. I know you are angry.. and you are right. I am sorry... '

'You hurt us. And what you did embarrassed and disgraced us. And you turn up today, after you hear that I am in the hospital. Where were you all these months, when the heartache you caused hurt more than this silly heart attack? I want you to turn back and go away. '

'These are your first reactions. I will talk to you later. Don't get agitated now. It is not good for you. I'll go now.' Diya turned and opened the door.

'Diya..’

‘Yes amma..’ . Diya turned around, with a big smile. Her mom had called out her name.

‘Sometimes life never gives you a second chance’

Answering Machine

It was a chilly Saturday evening. It had been snowing intermittently for over two days. Diya thought that it was quite abnormal for November. The weather gods had decided to be more benevolent today. It hadn’t snowed since morning. The roads had been cleared, the snow shovelled neatly to the sides. Diya and Dave decided that they would move into their new house today. They had spent close to 3 months searching for a house till they had chanced upon this one. Dave could not fathom a life in an apartment. 'Where will I play with my retrievers?' and Diya wanted a house from where she could feel the presence of the sea. Having grown up in a small apartment just off Besant Nagar beach in Chennai, sea had been her constant companion of many a year. The closest they could get to these requirements was a villa that had a backyard from where you could see the lake at a distance.

'But Dave is a nice guy ma!'.

'He is not one of us. He is white. An American. We cannot get along with him.'

'If one wants, we can get along with anyone.'

‘Don’t give me philosophical and idealistic answers. We live in a real world. He eats fish, meat and all those things. How do you expect me to live in a house where such things are cooked? Diya don't tell me you are going to cook non veg.'. There was a look of disgust on her mom's face.

Diya had rehearsed all these conversations innumerable times in the 16 hour flight from Newark to Chennai. She knew her parents well enough to know that she had no hope in convincing them. She had met Dave in her second year of Masters. She had taken up teaching assistantship with the same professor under whose guidance Dave was doing his Ph.D. They had met at the professor's house for Thanksgiving dinner. It wasn't love at first sight, but there was something attractive about him. The dinner was followed by a Broadway show, couple of movies, lunches, dinners and in two weeks time Diya knew that she was hopelessly in love with him, despite of all her efforts against it. She would lie on the bed at night, her thoughts oscillating wildly between how girly she felt around him and what this would mean at home.

She spent that Christmas at Dave's home in DC and in three days time she was like a foster daughter in the house. Dave's parents doted more on her, and this made Dave envious. She found Dave’s envy cute but she ensured that she enjoyed every bit of the attention that was being showered on her.

All through her 16 hour flight, she rehearsed every possible conversation, opposition and all her responses. She wanted to be patient and not loose her cool.

Yet something snapped within her. It was not what her mom had said, but the look of sheer disgust.

'I rather sit out the next 5 hours at the airport than in a house where people do not understand me'. She walked into her room slammed her door and walked out half hour later with her suitcase. No one tried to stop her. As she dragged her suitcase down those stairs, her brother Deep ran behind her, snatched her suitcase off. 'Go tell a proper bye to ma and pa. We'll go to the beach and then I will drop you off at the airport.'

Diya's thoughts were broken by the creaking sound of the garage door. 'We need to fix that horrible sound, Dave.' She said almost involuntarily. 'Still thinking about your family? Cheer up! We are entering our new home now. Smile!'

'Yeah, I am sorry.' She got off the Prius, wiping her tears of her cheeks. She skipped across the porch quickly, opened the front door after fumbling a bit with the keys and took a few steps into the house and stopped. She could see the living room, the guest room and the winding staircase to the first floor. A bluish black light lit the house. It seemed to be a curious mix of light from the heavens and street light filtered through the glass ceiling over the staircase. It seemed mystical. Dave's footsteps over the gravel made her aware of his presence. She shook her head, forcing herself to break off from her thoughts, wiped her moist eyes, switched on the lights and turned towards the main door and forced a smile.

'You ran in too soon. Did you see how beautiful the silhouette is, and the light reflecting off the lake?'

'Stop. .. Step in with your right leg …… ' .Her voice trailed as she realised what she was saying. She looked up at Dave who stood with one leg in the air at the door. She collapsed on to her knees and broke down sobbing.

'Hey Diya, this is Priya. .. I didn’t know that you were in the marriage market.' Priya sounded excited, disappointed and was feigning feeling of being hurt. It was as though she had been purposely kept out of a secret dealing.

'What do you mean? What are you blabbering?' It was not even April Fools day. She could trust Priya to play some prank. Priya was Diya's cousin, just six days younger. They had grown up together in Chennai and now were in US pursuing Masters. Priya lived within a 4 hour driving distance.

'Don't feign innocence. My mom just called me and asked me to checkout your profile on the matrimony site. Because of you now my parents are asking me to put my profile up. When did you agree? What about Dave? '

'Send me the link over mail. I will check it out and give you a call back. Bye! '

Diya was fuming by the time she read her own profile. She reached for her phone and called up Dave.

'Hey honey, wassup?'

'Dave, will you marry me? Can we get married in August, as soon as I finish?'

'What? What happened, Are you alright?' There was a discomforting silence. 'I mean.. I don't mean in that sense of being alright... You know what I mean right? 'This is too sudden and surprising… I am so happy you are thinking in about marriage... but what happened? Are you alright?’

'Yeah I am. Let us meet today for dinner and talk.'

Three months later, on a Saturday evening, Diya called home. She had stopped calling home. Only her parents called her once a week. She did speak to Deep everyday online to know what was happening at home, but she never called. She knew that it was a Sunday morning and her folks would be out for a walk along the beach. Predictably, she got the answering machine.

'Ma, this is Diya. I know this is going to be a big shock. I just called to say that I am getting married to Dave tomorrow. I don't know if I am doing the right thing or not, but after seeing my profile on the website, I just felt that I did not have a choice. I will miss you folks .... And .. and.. I am sorry’. Click.

Dave kneeled next to her, put his arm around and whispered into her ear 'You should call up your mom and speak to her.'

'But what will I tell her? What would I talk to her about? How do I even start the conversation?' Diya was almost yelling. 'I just left a message last time on the answering machine. I did not even tell her myself that I was getting married.' She was now crying uncontrollably.

'Why don't you leave a message again in the answering machine? Pour your heart out. That’s a start. We'll take it from there. '

Diya saw merit in what Dave was saying. The answering machine enabled her to converse with her mom yet avoid a conversation.

She checked the time, it would be Sunday Morning. She called her home, with one finger on the disconnect button, ready to hang up if someone picked up the phone.

'We are unable to take your call. Please leave your message, we will call you back'. She recognised her own voice from three years ago. At least this one thing had not changed.

'Ma.. I don’t know what to say ... How to start’. She was sobbing. 'I am sorry.. really sorry.' The silences were broken by her intermittent sobs. 'Today, I have grown so big that I am setting up my own home ... away from home. I don't know when I grew up.. I know I have been a bad daughter.. I don't know if you would forgive me.. I hope you will.. I don't have the guts to call and talk to you.. or face you.. but i know that you will get this message.. Even if you don't forgive me... I want to talk to you once.. Just once.. '

Dave's mobile rang out aloud. He gestured to Diya that he was stepping out of the house to pick up the call.

'Dave speaking '

'Dave... Dave.. This is Priya here.. Where is Diya? I amr unable to get her phone.'

'She is here. . on the phone.. Can I take a message?'

'Dave.. Dave.. Its Diya's mom. She isn't well.. I don't know what happened.. She is admitted in the ICU since yesterday.. She may not survive.'

Tagged

Its been a quiet period. Little activity in life and hence here on my blog. While I search for an inspiration to write about, I've been tagged by Unpredictable.

Post 5 links to 5 of your previously written posts. The posts have to relate to the 5 key words given (family, friend, yourself, your love, anything you like). Tag 5 other friends to do this meme. Try to tag at least 2 new acquaintances (if not, your current blog buddies will do) so that you get to know them each a little bit better. Now don’t forget to read the archived posts and leave comments.

Well, I am not too big on passing on tags, but well, let me atleast link up a few posts. This tag gave me a reason to read through my archives atleast.

Family: I haven't written too many on this theme. Here is one dedicated to my paternal grandmom. I wish I knew her better when she was alive. And here is one about my relationship with my maternal grandfather. Someday I will write more on my grandfather. He deserves a blog, all for himself.

Friend: I do not name people explicitly ( except ofcourse H & D here and here), but most of what I write is stolen from reality/ from life which revolves around friends :)

Myself: There is too much off myself all over this blog. hmm.. now that I think of it, I should probably do something about it.

My love: Well.. hmm.. Whenever that happens I hope its like this. ( In my defence, I heard 'Ondra Rendra' from Kakka Kakka and Partha Mudhalnaale from Vettaiyaadu Vilaiyaadu back to back and was inspired!

Anything I like: Travel (1, 2, 3). Something for greater common good, hopefully. (The number in the link has changed!). Short stories. Nostalgic train rides I guess.

Of coffee and conversations

Sandeep sat alone, staring out, at the traffic. Sheets of water slid down the window pane, blurring his vision of the road with disconcerting regularity. There seemed to be a rhythm to the sudden Madras rain. The rain had caught people unaware. It was January for heaven’s sake. People were scampering across the road, to find themselves a shelter. It all seemed so chaotic, yet there was a purpose in everyone’s movement. A method in the madness.

His thoughts led him to the previous night's conversation. Megha was getting married. This was the first ‘news’ he had heard about her , ever since they had broken up three years ago. It was a strange feeling. He was over her. He was seeing Priya now and was quite serious. He had rarely thought of Megha in the past year. Yet, when he heard the news, he was at discomfort, to say the least. He registered no part of the conversations that followed on the dinner table for the next hour. He could only hear Megha say ‘Look, if you want to make it formal, then mark today August 29th, as the day we called it off’. She could never muster up courage to look into his eyes and tell him that she no longer loved him. He wasn’t the perfect guy ofcourse, but who is perfect these days anyway?

His coffee arrived, the aroma bringing him back – to now. The cream on his coffee had been poured in the shape of a heart. How ironic, he thought, for cream on coffee was never among his favourites.

He looked around as he sipped his coffee. The place had a nostalgic feel to it. It wasn’t too old, may be three to four years. But the dark heavy mahogany furniture, bound heavy books by the corner and smart white-clothed waiters moving around with slothful indulgence reminded him of a time gone by. The empty table next to him, with a cup of coffee left half drunk and a cigarette still burning away in the ashtray reminded him of half left conversations; of unspoken words.

While his eyes scanned the surroundings, his mind was populating the scenes the eye saw with known faces and replacing floating voices with recognizable conversations.

Sandeep pulled his cell out, paused and then dialled Megha.

‘ I am getting another call on my cell, I’ll call you back. I love you, bye.’ There was a click and then ‘Hello’.

‘Hi , Sandeep here’.

‘Oh’. The discomfort in Megha’s voice was palpable. She had been caught completely offguard.

‘I just heard about your wedding last night. Congratulations!’

‘Thanks!’. The 'thanks' was measured. The tone ensuring that conversation would end and not continue.

‘I am sure you have a great life ahead of you. All the best! I should hang up now…’. Sandeep’s voice trailed away. He was half hoping for a Megha to say, ‘ No, don’t hang up yet’. Just like the old times. He looked up from his feet. Priya had just entered the coffee shop. He smiled at her and raised his hand indicating that he needed a minute more. Priya smiled and sat, wiping the thin layer of dew that had settled on the chair.

‘ Ok Megha! Take care, Bye!’

‘Sandeep, Sandeep! No don’t hang up yet’.

‘Yeah?’

‘Sandeep, Thanks for calling. Thank you’ . The 'thank you' was measured. The tone suggested that the ‘thank you’ carried with it the purport of all conversations in the past and of the future; of all words spoken and possibly better left unspoken. The words ‘thank you’, had never meant so much ever before.

‘Sandeep, you take care too. This is not the best time for us. Our lives will cross again, I promise. Bye!

‘Thanks Megha. I would wait for that. Bye!’

He looked up at Priya. She was in the midst of an animated conversation with the waiter. Sandeep got up and walked around the table and hugged her as she got up and planted a firm kiss on her cheeks.

He held her around her waist as the separated, and whispered, ‘ Priya!’

‘Yeah?’

‘ Will you marry me ?’

Restlessness settled!

What follows is part 3 . Read part 1 and part 2 .

Dear Anand,

I know that it would have been a huge shock to you when those divorce papers were given to you. And you have been trying to talk to me for the past month now, but I have avoided all contact with you. This last one month of solitude and soul searching has helped a lot. I felt that I was just submerged in every day events that I did not know where my life was headed. I needed some time alone to do all this thinking. Some space, if I may call it so.

You are a good kid Anand and we had some good times together. Anand, you would remember that one night, I told you about the things that I wanted the most. Some of them were things, which if I pursued, would have put a strain on our marriage. But what you do not know Anand, that there are certain things that I hated the most. Like our freakishly disciplined lifestyle.

This past one month has taught me one very important thing. Sometimes, the things that we hate the most can also become the very same things that we miss the most. Anand, I know I have made a mistake. I just hope that it isn't late. I have so much to tell you, and that is exactly what I want to do. ‘tell you'- talk to you. I can't make myself pick up the phone call you and start this conversation. (You would know that from the number of blank calls I gave you when we were dating). Just let me know its ok to call you, I will. I have an open ticket back to Madras with me and am willing to take tonight's flight. When you know that there is a better life waiting for you, you would want that to start right now, right?

Dying to hear from you.
love
Priya

She read the mail, re read the mail, re re read the mail, till she had almost memorized the words. She clicked on the read receipt option and clicked on the send mail button.

Priya shut the laptop, closed her eyes and leaned back on her chair taking a deep breath. She was livid with herself over the events in the past two months and how she had created the mess. The events replayed in her mind over and over again and she was unable to shut these thoughts out. She walked up to window, opened it and stuck her head. The icy winds of Chicago were almost piercingly cold. The sting made it physically impossible to let her thoughts wander. She had begun to like the few minutes she spent in the cold. She walked back to her laptop. She had a post ready for her anonymous blog where she had been pouring her heart out over the past two months.

A message from Anand was waiting for her. A strange feeling took over her. She was happy to have received a reply so soon, but the very thought of what could be in there, made her quiver.

Priya,

The thing I like about you most is that you were always strong willed and took bold decisions. Not necessarily the right ones always. Your decisions were centred on your happiness and what you felt was the best for you. I guess, that was fine when we were friends, and it was a small issue when we were dating. But I was sure that it would change post our wedding. Apparently not.

Kiddo, while you are in the process of soul searching, do consider what I have just said. If we are to get back together, we take decisions as 'we' and not 'I'. Having said that, this one decision whether to come back home should be solely yours.

Still Smittenly yours,
Anand

Priya picked up the phone, 'Hello, Yes hi, I have an open ticket to Chennai, India. When is the earliest availability?'