Friday Musings

It has been a peaceful week. I spent the first 3 days at home on a short break. All I did in those three days was eating and sleeping :)

Everybody grows up and moves out of their homes. That is the way of life. You set up your own place in a different city (or may be same) and start living your own life. Earlier (few decades ago), the postal service kept people abreast of each others lives. Later it became occasional phone call, and today the telecom revolution has ensured that I can call my mom to ask her how much salt to add for dal etc.

But whatever be the case, once out of home, you are disconnected. You have a parallel existence. And you feel this, not in the biggest family decisions (for you are involved there), but the small sundry things that you could have done. If I was home, I could drop my mom off at work and/or pick her up, so that she need not walk the awkward distance which no auto rickshaw would come. I could have been more involved in dad's projects, or maybe do the occasional grocery and veggie shopping on Sunday, so that he may get longer Sunday siestas. Or I could help my bro search for a final year project or maybe a few pointers for his preparations for the upcoming exams.

It is in this trip home that I realised that I will not be there to do any of this with the level of involvement that I was thinking of. It is in this trip that I realised that in the circle of life, I had finished a quarter. A strange realisation dawned upon me - I now have a life of my own.

Restlessness Galore!

'Priya, you are late. '

'Coming da. Two more minutes. There will always be enough time. We would still be 3 hours in advance.'

'But we never know how the traffic will be.'

'Relax, don't get worked up. We'll be in time. I am going to board the flight. If there is anyone who needs to get tensed, it should be me'

'Amma, Priya and me will leave now. I will be back by 2, 2.30. I have the keys, so you need not stay awake for me.'

'Hey, Can you wait for few minutes. We are expecting Mr. Rajamani. I want you and Priya to meet him. Just chat up with him for 5 minutes, your dad will be back anytime now. Then you can leave.'

' Ma, this is not fair.'

'It will not take more than 5 minutes. There goes the bell. It must be him. Go get the door'.

I walk to the door, visibly irritated. I was sure I was going to meet a gentleman who would be in his late 50s or early 60s. Someone who had retired recently and had moved back to Madras. He would have retired from a pretty decent position in the industry, would speak more of english than Tamil. He would ask me where I was working, do some polite conversation about the
future of the industry I was working in and then the future of India. The conversation would then invariably veer towards the horrible infrastructure and how the government is doing nothing. I surprised myself when I realised, how my mind ran through these thoughts in quick succession. Was I getting conditioned by the many polite conversations I was making at work?

Shutting my mind, I opened the door.

In front of me stood a gentleman, in early 60s. I welcomed him and was about to introduce myself when he said, ' I know who you are'. I looked at him and blinked.

As he sat, my mom walked in. She looked at me and said ' Mr. Rajamani retired as the CEO of a UK based firm. He was one the first to setup an IT company in UK in 80's and outsource work to India, long before even the word outsourcing was coined'. I could see my stereotype becoming reality in front of my eyes. Mr. Rajamani had already passed two of the items in the test. He was in early 60's and had retired from a good position in the industry.

'He also used to head the centre for promotion of Indian knowledge in London. He is a Ph.D in Samskrit and can read horoscopes'. Ahh! That must be the connection. Someone's horoscope must be waiting to be read. Some alliance to be matched. I however was now genuinely interested in a conversation with this gentleman as I had been trying to study Samskrit for years now, but had never got around to doing it.

'I will go and make some tea and be back soon.' She looked at Mr. Rajamani and he said, 'No Sugar for me please'. 'So Mr. Rajamani, I am extremely interested in learning Samskrit, as a proper course. Would you be able to help me out?'.

'You are a very lucky person'.

'Sorry?'

'You are a lucky person'.

I gave him a blank stare. It was only the stare that was blank. My mind was racing through plethora of emotions and thoughts. Did he know about my blog? Has he read my horoscope? Can he read my mind? Should I be thinking all these thoughts now? May be he can read my thoughts and know exactly what I am thinking. I should stop thinking.

'Its in your eyes. I can see the sparkle in your eyes. You are a bright person with a good heart.' So he was not talking about my blog. Or anything else. He was just commenting on my eyes. On my eyes? Huh? What does he mean by sparkle. It must be something good. And why am I thinking so much? Why is my mind restless today? What am I supposed to say now?

' It is said in the Gita', he started.

Chanchalam hi Mahabaho, Mano durnigraham Chalam Abhyasen tu Kounteya, Vairagyen cha Grihyate'

(O Arjuna, the mind is fickle and it is very difficult to control it.
Practice and dispassion are the keys to control your mind')

'It means..' He started.

'I know what it means. Why are you telling me all this now?'

'I just sensed that you are someone who is willing to listen, and won't think of me as a old man who would start a lecture at the drop of a hat.'

I eased up. For the first time, I broke into a genuine smile. My mom walked in with the tea and some biscuits.

'You are not joining me for tea?' he asked. Priya walked in simultaneously.

'This is my wife, Priya. Actually we are on the way out. She is going to US to meet her parents who are settled there. I am leaving to the airport to drop her now. Hence I won't be able to join you for tea. But we should meet soon. I would look forward to that.'

' Sure, I would look forward to that too.' He got up, walked towards me and whispered in my ears, ' Not too many people have sparkle in their eyes. You are lucky. Ensure that it stays there. Through both good and not-so-good times'.

I smiled at him and managed to mutter few words of gratitude on the complement. Both Priya and me bent, touched his feet, bade farewell and briskly walked towards the car.

I was silent as I drove to the airport. Priya gave me a poke and said, ' You sad because I am leaving you and going? Sorry.'

'Hmm.. well.. yeah... Do you realise that this is going to be the longest period that we are going to be away from each other after our wedding.

'Yeah I know, time is not going to move fast. It is going to be not-so-good-time for a while.'

We were slightly late and we scrambled towards the gate with me behind the trolley wheels now. At the gate, she turned around gave me a tight hug. Our eyes were moist.

'Priya, do you rememeber that Mr. Rajamani whispered something into my ears just before we left? He told me that there is a certain sparkle in my eyes and that I should ensure that the sparkle stays through the good and not-so-good times. so when you mentioned that the next month would be not-so-good time, I was thinking of what he told me. I'll miss you.'

'Me too. Its late da. I have to go now. Sorry.' She turned and walked away. She paused before she entered the airport, turned around and waved and was gone'.

I drove back silently. Got into my bed. The exhaustion of the day caught up with me before my thoughts could and I was asleep soon.

----

I was early to office the next day. Two meetings and one conference call later, I returned to my seat. There was a courier for me.

I tore open the envelope. The title on the first page of the document read DIVORCE NOTICE.

Friday Musings

Last week was interesting, to say the least.

We were at a company offsite in Coorg. Besides work, we spent half a day at a school for mentally challenged. Though we could not provide a lot of hands-on help (as much as I would have wanted), but I personally got sensitised to a lot of things.

Firstly,I was surprised and stunned to see around 80 mentally challenged students on rolls in that school from a radius of 5-8 kms in Mercara (Madikere) town. Somehow I couldn't digest the fact that there could be so many of them in such a small radius with sparse population density. Secondly, I realised that we take so many things for granted. The gifts of Sight, sound, speech are truly 'gifts'.

There was one thing that I found ironic. You have the sight and hence you can see a round hole and a cylinder. You have reasonably good 'intelligence' (the rudimentary form of it atleast) and hence you know that you need to put the cylinder inside the round hole. You have grasping power and control over your hands to lift the cylinder. But after all this, you dont have hand -eye co ordination to put the cylinder in the hole properly. It is cruel. It means that you can do all the individual rudimentary steps (all the hard work), and just when you need to do the last task to be successful, you fail.

As I was talking to the people who run the school, I realised the magnitude of the effort they had been putting in for years. Imagine this, you work with a student for years and prepare him to go to a normal school, and then one fine day, he just walks off. No good byes, no thank you. And he is gone. It is a thankless job. I asked them, what keeps them going? What makes them come on a Monday morning to work. (Such a corporate question, damn! ) The reply was humbling.

'It isn't work', one of them told me. Its just what they wanted to do with their lives. WOW! I wish I could have an answer like that, sometime in my life. To one of them, the most memorable and inspiring moment was when after teaching a child to read the same page for 6 months (yeah 6 months!), one fine morning was Eureka - the kid could read and understand that page. That day convinced her to carry on doing what she was.

Someone asked me once, what is the significance of 'Lucky' (fyi, I sign off as lucky). I told her that I am a very lucky person. I've a great family (parents,bro,extended family), have had a comfortable life, amazing friends, good education, a decent job, good standard of living and have had the freedom to make my choices (right and wrong). Another important reason why I am lucky is because every once in a while, when I get cynical with people and/or things around me; I seem to meet someone (old or new) who bring to light a whole new perspective. It is a refreshing and learning experience. Be it the teachers at school in Mercara, an investment banker who has truckloads of enthu-for-life, an old friend who redefines persistence and dedication refusing to give up - now in a premier B school in US, a couple who along with their corporate life have been working to empower 'aam aadmi' using RTI act, my flatmate whose enthusiasm for cooking (amongst other things) is unparalleled.

There is just so much to learn and appreciate, if one is willing to.

Tagged

A few people asked me what happened to my blog. Why has there been no post in the past one month. I insitinctly responded saying that I was traveling, or that I was working 12-14 hours a day off late. (which isn't too far from reality).

I must confess here, that being 'busy' was not the reason for not putting up a post. That was just a convenient excuse. The real reason was that there was nothing to write about. I would open my laptop and then stare blankly at it for a few minutes. I would then log onto other blogs, read them, wonder how someone can be so prolific in putting up posts and then close my laptop and go to sleep. Call it the glorius 'writers block' or any thing else, but the truth is that I just did not feel strongly about anything to write about it. And I just cannot make myself write, just for the heck of it.

So what made me write today? Well, I got tagged by Unpredictable asking me to write about 'Who I judge'. My first reaction was 'I don't judge anyone'. I guess then I am the 'nicest soul alive in this world'. Which I am not.So, lo and behold, there is a list, or actually there is one case.

I judge people who go on and on about how all other countries are beautiful and clean except India but take no personal ownership to doing something about it. They go on and on about how well the system works like a well oiled machinery in all countries except India. And the reason I judge them is because, they would follow lane discipline when they drive elsewhere, but on Indian roads they become mavericks. They would walk a significant distance to drop trash in the trash can when in a foreign country, but they would litter public places in India. To me this behaviour represents a kind of hypocracy. No one is asking them to start a public campaign around cleanliness, they just need to carry the litter around in a small bag till they can find a 'dust bin'. So what if people break rules or take the easy way out, that does not mean you do the same thing. Majority is not always right.

I get responses which go 'In Rome be a Roman' and 'There are secutiry cameras abroad or the fines are high'. I take a very very high moral ground when I reply. To me the real character of a person is displayed not when everyone is watching, but when no one is watching. I guess I am an idealist living in a realists' world. So be it.

This incident happened when in 2004. I was taking a train from Delhi to Amritsar. I had a ticket and when I reached my seat there were people already sitting there. I let them know that I had a reservation. One of them told me to adjust for an hour and that he would get off at the next station. This person was wearing some crumpled clothes and was chewing paan. (Betel leaf). I began an arguement with him saying that I had a right to MY seat as I had a reserved ticket. I felt that I had the right to sit comfortably in MY seat and not adjust with the shabbily dressed person next to me. While arguing, I looked around at the other two people around, urging them through my looks to support me. The Ticket collector walked in at that moment, and guess what, the other two people walked away because they did not have tickets, while the shabbily dressed person had one.

I felt so small and cheap at that very moment. I don't think that the other person figured out that I was judging him by his appearance, but all my self erected high grounds and moral standards came crashing down. Ever since that incident, I try hard, very hard, not to judge people. I am very conscious of not judging people that I often do not read into words/ actions/ behaviour. But thats fine by me. I wouldn't say that I was as bad as Madhavan's character in
Anbe Sivam, but I definitely had/have a few of his characteristics. I am not the most principled person around, and I am the first person to admit it. But of the few principles I would like to live up to, not judging people is one of them.

(All those who think Tamil movie industry is represented by Sivaji alone, just watch Kamal Hassan's movies. Or actually just grab a copy of Anbe Sivam and watch it. I promise you it would be a revealing experience. Atleast you would become more appreciative of Tamil movies)