Thursday, December 15, 2005

It is One Year Today

14th February 2005
It is one year today.


14th February 2003
I hated this time of the year. The entire town would be painted red (I mean decorated red not otherwise). There were heart shaped balloons everywhere and all the shops were decorated in red. So much for ‘Conservative-Chennai’, I thought. It seemed that everyone was celebrating the 'Valentine’s Day'. Sales of cards and gifts were ringing the cash registers. I detested the crass commercialization of Valentine's Day.
My friends and I had decided to have ‘Guys day out’. We would visit the ‘couple places’, hang out there and have fun in our own way. We went to Coffee Day in Hispahani Center. Sitting in the couch and having ordered Mocha, I was looking around when I saw Meena my classmate sitting with another girl two tables away. I walked up to her to say Hi when I noticed the girl she was sitting with.
She was let us say uh…umm... very pretty. High cheek bones, wheatish complexion, a smile with two dimples, shoulder length straight hair and beautiful eyes. I caught myself staring at her and quickly looked towards Meena. It was then that I was introduced to Priya.
Priya was from another engineering college. She lived close to where I stayed and at the end of 2-3 minute conversation I managed to get her email id giving some weird reason. (I didn’t want to ask her cell number). Within a day I mailed her and we were soon chatting through Yahoo Messenger. We had similar tastes in many things. We both loved nature, books, philosophy etc. The list is long. I would wait impatiently for 11pm every night for her to log in.

March 2003
After 3 to 4 weeks of online chats I asked her for her phone number and called her. I was nervous. The first time I did not know what to talk to her. I was relieved when she kept speaking about her college. We spoke for hours on the phone after college daily and even today I remember every conversation.

October 2003
We had been going out together regularly for movies, concerts, restaurants etc. The nicest thing about Priya was that she had no hang-ups. We would decide about going for movies or restaurants over phone and within half an hour we would be there. I probably have loafed most of Chennai with her. I had my semester vacation and was off to stay with my parents in Bangalore. Though I did not want to go, I had no choice. (I was staying with my grandparents in Chennai). Those semester holidays were the most painful holidays. I missed Priya a lot. I was often reminded of the many conversations we had had. I would remember the good times and smile to myself. I had started missing the small-small things we did together. Be it the weekend morning walks at the beach or Priya holding my hand when she wanted to cross the road (She was petrified of crossing the road alone and always held my hand) I realized suddenly that things would never be the same for me. I suddenly realised I was in love.

February 14th 2004
I had debated on this long enough. I couldn't hold it within me any longer and had to tell her that I loved her. I was wondering how to do it.
Should I get her flowers (roses were her favourites) and then go on one knee and propose?
Should I take her to a nice restaurant for dinner and pop in the question?
I was pacing up and down my house. Luckily my grandparents were out for the day for some family function and they were not there to notice my restlessness.
Or I could take her to the broken bridge at Besant Nagar beach and under the moonlight and with the waves in the background, I would ask her... rather tell her…
Or may be I would buy her the pair of earnings she had been wanting for a long time. Better I thought would be taking her to a jazz concert at Music Academy and then somewhere in the middle tell her.
Restless would be an understatement to describe my state at that time. Suddenly the phone rang. I glanced at the clock and it showed 11 am. It had to be Priya with her morning call. Somehow I felt that the phone rang in a slightly different tone whenever she called. I told myself that it was my imagination. I lifted the phone and it was her indeed but it was not her morning call. She had woken up early, finished meeting some relatives and was on her way home and was checking if I was home. She wanted to drop in to see me. I told her to come over.
Now I was even more tensed. I was worried that I might blurt out something stupid. My preparation time was cut short by 7 hrs. I had always been natural and spontaneous with Priya but today I found myself preparing what to say and fumbling with those 'prepared' words.
The doorbell startled me. I opened and let Priya in. She walked into the kitchen and fetched herself a glass of water. She looked around for my grandparents and then came to my room and asked me if I was alone. I said yes. She gave me a hug and told me ' Its one year since we met.'
How could I forget? I was absolutely livid with myself. My mind was running through possible explanations and cover-ups...
‘In the past one year we've become the best of buddies. I have enjoyed every moment I have spent with you'. ‘Now…’, she stopped for a second and looked into my eyes. I don’t know what overcame me but I just pulled her towards me and kissed her. She was stiff initially but then immediately she responded. We kissed for what seemed eternity. As we pulled back, we remained speechless. I hugged her and told her ' I love you'.

We decided to have lunch at her favourite restaurant. We reached the restaurant, parked the bike and were about to cross the road. Suddenly my cell rang. It was Amrish asking for directions to Fashion Point. I gave him the directions as I crossed the road. When I reached the other side, I turned around and saw Priya trying to cross the road. I yelled asking her to go back and that I would come back to escort her across the road. Suddenly a bus appeared from nowhere and ran over her.

14th February 2005
It is one year today.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Bus ride one hot Thursday afternoon

It was a hot Thursday afternoon in month of May in Chennai. The Mercury was touching 43C. The entire city was literally burning in the heat. The sea breeze had not settled in yet. The motionless air only added to the woes of the people.

I was sitting in a local bus traveling home from Central Station. I had just arrived from Bangalore where it was pleasant 28C. The bus was crowded and there were close to 20-25 standees. People were irritated. Tempers were running high. A small nudge or push by someone, even by mistake, would be received with a barrage of expletives. Cursing the Chennai summer and the heat for the Nth time, yet happy to be back in Chennai after one year, I kept looking out of the window trying to see the changes the city had undergone.

I was looking at the Amul hoarding near Spencer Plaza, when angry voices broke my thoughts. I looked around and saw that there were two men inside the bus who were arguing about something. They had been having the argument for a while, I guessed. Shrill voices were now added to the existing cacophony when two women (presumably wives of the two men) joined in the argument. The conductor was trying his best to bring about some sort of order but he was failing miserably. I tried to listen to the argument and understand what they were fighting about but gave up soon and continued looking outside the window.

As the bus neared the next stop I saw this lady in her mid 20s with a kid (may be one year old) hoisted on her waist. The kid was the prettiest thing I had seen in a long time. Even in that hot sun and irksome afternoon, he was smiling and giggling. The bus pulled to a stop and the lady with the kid got in at the rear entrance where I was seated. The kid suddenly sensed that it was in a new environment and started looking around. His big eyes opened wide as he scanned the people around giving everyone a smile. He looked at the four people arguing and smiled. They stopped arguing and suddenly the bus was silent. Though the argument had stopped the tension in the air was palpable. The kid, I guess, sensed this and in a split second started wailing out loud.

Suddenly all eyes turned towards this kid. While everyone was watching the kid I decided to watch the people and their reactions. First the young girl standing next to the kid tried to make some sound to distract the kid. She tried pointing at some colours, clapping her hands, batting her eyelids but it was of no avail. Then one of those men who were arguing decided to try his luck. He whistled at the kid. That immediately got the kid's attention. Then he started making faces at the kid and tried making some funny sounds. The kid stared at this guy and slowly stopped crying. And just as the man thought that he had succeeded, the kid burst into tears again. The mother was trying to distract the kid herself but the kid was in no mood of listening. This time the other man stepped in. He had a few coins in his pocket. He took them out and was shaking them in his hand. This new sound quietened the kid whose wail had by then reduced to a few intermittent sobs. The mother holding the kid was trying to reach for her purse which was stuck between her body and the kid. Seeing this, the two women who were arguing took the kid from the mother and started to fondle him.

The kid let out a faint smile and that brought smile to a lot of faces on the bus. Someone in the front of the bus had a rattle and passed it on. The two women now were making sounds with the rattle. The bright pink and yellow colour rattle with its distinct sound was made the kid bare its only two teeth.

The mood in the bus had changed. The men weren’t arguing any more. There was a sudden chatter in the bus. Strangers were talking to each other. They may have been cursing the weather and the heat or lamenting about the water problem in various parts of the city but the general atmosphere in the bus had become more amicable. I was lost in my thoughts wondering how a kid within a short span of 5 minutes changed the mood of 50 passengers, when I noticed the entire bus saying good-byes and giving flying kisses to that kid as he and his mother got off. I too waved at the kid from the window and gave him my best smile. He winked back at me as though telling me that he knew what I was thinking.

Monday, December 05, 2005

The Bokaro - Madras Express

As a kid, summer holidays used to be the most awaited thing. Two and a half months of no school - what more could a boy ask for. Summer holidays also meant something more. It meant I was going to make a 36 hour train journey to Madras where my grand mom would be waiting with my favourite savouries, and my grand father would tell me stories which I would listen sitting in one place for hours. (A near impossible task - a feat which only my grandfather could take credit for).

The Bokaro - Madras Express connected Bihar to Tamil Nadu and it took 36 hours. But crossing eastern, central and southern railway jurisdictions meant that it would be late from anywhere between 4 hours to 16 hours (Yes, you read it right: 16 hours). One particular trip, Godavari was in spate and we could not cross it near Rajamundry. Hence we traveled into Maharashtra and crossed it near Nagpur and came and joined our normal route at Vijayawada. The train was late by 16 hours.
That train was unique. Even with your reserved ticket when you board the train you would find your seat taken and not by one but by 2 or 3 men sitting there refusing to budge. There would be little you could do. The compartment next to you would have lights and water but your compartment would have neither lights nor water. (Those were days when compartments were not connected to each other). The train was so slow and made so many stops that the common joke was that whenever the driver would see a platform he would stop.

The summer train journeys would always be undertaken along with some of my friends and their family. All my friends were my age (and boys!). I am famous or rather infamous for my notoriety. Two or three of us put together and we would start a gang. We would create such a ruckus in that compartment. But the nicest thing about being a 5 year old boy is that you are expected to run around, make noise and people would tolerate you. The entire compartment would take care of you. And of course you would be fed by every family in that train in return for answering those FAQs - What is your name? Where you going? Which school? What is your class teacher's name? Who are your friends in school and so on.

Every time the track would curve, I would push my face into the bars on the window to look at the engine. There would be a fierce fight to see who gets the window seat and who spots the engine first. Oh! And once the engine was spotted - for the Nth time, I would count the number of coaches - for the Nth time.
Half way through our journey we would reach Vishakhapatnam or Vizag. Here the train would stop for 1 hour. That would be the first time my mom would actually allow me to get off the train(but nothing can ever conquer the triumphant feeling of getting off the train sneakily or getting on the train when it had started moving). Vizag is at the coast and there is no route beyond the Vizag railway station. So the train would have to go back for a certain distance on the same tracks before it would be shunted off to another set of tracks towards Madras. For this the engine would be removed from the front and it would be attached at the other end. So when the train would start moving, we would move in the opposite direction to which it traveled earlier. For many journeys I was made to believe that we were going back. The reason for going back according to the elders (parents, uncles, aunts and worst older friends) would vary from "to pick up dad" to "engine driver is angry that you are misbehaving". That last reason would succeed in making me sit quietly, at least for a little while. I would silently curse the engine driver. Quite a few times I would be close to tears and would pray that the engine driver change his mind and that I would be good boy. But with a few journeys under my belt, I figured out the actual reason. And nothing would give me a greater sense of being a grown up than telling younger brothers and sisters of my friends that we were going back as they were misbehaving and then watch them sit quietly for a while.

Bridges always held a soft corner in our hearts. Whenever we heard the sounds of traveling over a bridge (a very distinct sound - which still rings in my ear) we would stop whatever we were doing and try to peep out of windows (and at an older age - doors). In our trip we would cross three big rivers - Mahanadi, Godavari and Krishna. Watching the expanse of water flowing under would always amaze me and I would wonder at those engineering marvels - bridges. The thought of those bridges were constructed would linger in my mind for a while. I would feel very proud when my mom would tell me that engineers build bridges and that my father was also an engineer.

As we neared Madras, the sight of green Pallavan buses was enough to revitalize us. I would start looking forward to Basin Bridge station and the (in)famous stench from Koovam River. The train would invariably halt at Basin Bridge platform prolonging our agony. As Madras Central approached we would look out and shout out the side platform would arrive and try to get it right before others. This would be the last of our 'competitions'.

My uncle would be there standing at the station as ever to receive us. We would bid farewell to friends both old and new-found and part ways. The sadness of parting ways would disappear on reaching home.

Today, time has become precious. I don’t know whether I would have the patience to travel for 36 hours. But even today whenever I travel, I peer out to see the engine and count the number of coaches. I stop and look out of the windows whenever we are crossing a bridge. I don’t run about the compartment today but whenever I see kids running around I give them a knowing smile.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

'Conscious' Saturday afternoon

I sat through a lecture couple of days ago. This management consultant and motivation 'guru' among many things said about the 'age' we live in. He said that the days of agrarian scociety and the industrial age were over (that we all know!) and information age is also drawing to a close ( that phrase caught my attention). The age that is coming up is the age of 'consciousness'. And that statement got me thinking.

Is there something called global consciousness? Does consciousness exist only in the realm of consciousness. Can only man (and as extension living beings) experience consciousness?Is there a way where effect of consciousness can be studied scientifically. Suddenly I was all enthusiastic. Choosing the easiest way to check for related information, I decided to google. A little bit of googling gave me links some of which i have pasted below.

1. Wholla! there is something called the Global Consciousness Project.( and I thought this line of thinking was novel :( ) Experiments on this have been on for quite sometime and the site is pretty interesting.
http://noosphere.princeton.edu/
A little more googling gave a summary of the GCP
http://www.redorbit.com/news/display/?id=126649#121

Now, armed with the knowledge that there are people out there thinking like me and humbled by the fact that they have been scientifically researching this for over a decade I decided to checkout the next question? Do only living creatures (plants included here) experience consciousness ? Well a little bit of googling and here it is.

2. Water crystals show differing patterns while freezing when exposed to different thoughts.
http://www.intelligentinfinity.org/watersenses.html


I would love to be Fox Mulder and would 'want to believe' in this but the skeptic in me was trying to find a rational reason.
http://www.skepticnews.com/2005/02/rednova_news_ca.html

And one link that summarized it all
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Global_Consciousness_Project

A lazy Saturday afternoon spent with a mug of hot coffee and googling has left me where I started. Wondering about Consciousness. But the search has been worth it, enriched with a couple of links, the journey has but, just begun.