Ghanan Ghanan

The rains are here. Actually they are not yet here. But the Monsoon season is here. What a relief from the sweltering heat that has been beating down upon us over the past few months.

And symbolically, as if to coincide with the season, I started reading 'Chasing the Monsoons' by Alexander Frater yesterday. Alexander Frater in this book greets the monsoons at Trivandrum and follows its path up to Bombay stopping at Cochin and Goa en route. He then travels to Cherrapunji, Calcutta Varanasi and Delhi to complete his journey. His writing is simple and it captures in some detail the effect this season has on the many people who call India their home.

Monsoons are very capricious in nature. The Indian Monsoons are part of one of the world's most complicated weather systems that isn't understood perfectly even today. Starting south of equator over the Indian Ocean, the winds are drawn towards the subcontinent because the landmass is hotter than the surrounding seas. These winds pickup the evaporating moisture as they travel over the seas and these moisture laden clouds burst as rains over the landmass. If only it was that simple. Multitude of factors like warming of Tibetan peninsula, jet streams ,trade winds, Coriollis forces on crossing the equator, Westerlies and El Nino effect the timing and the amount of rains the subcontinent would receive that season.

The rains affect our lives in so many ways. We have made huge strides in science yet we haven't understood the awesomely complex weather phenomenon to make exact predictions. Now add to this changes due to global warming, differential heating of ocean surfaces, ice caps melting and climate change and we have a black box. The differences between an astrologer and weather scientist soon begins to fade. (Weather scientists have my utmost respect and sympathies).

Rains have been part of history, mythology, literature, poetry, songs, romance and popular culture for eons. From season specific raagas to romantic and even sensual poetry the monsoons inspire us all. Alexander Frater describes the moment when he is standing at Kovalam Beach in Trivandrum holding hands with strangers watching the black clouds race towards them from the distant horizon. A motley crowd gathered from around the country waits for the first rains of the season to hit them. I can almost feel their ecstasy and feel like rejoicing when the rain drenches their bodies and warms their spirits. I can't remember the last time I got soaked to the bone and was so happy or at least nonchalant about it.

And as I was reading this, it hit me that I have possibly got 'de-seasonised' in some aspects. I spend most of my day in air conditioned office complaining about the burning heat that I cannot avoid over the weekends. And when the rains come I am excited. Excited about taking a walk on Marine drive or sitting near my small sit-out of my house, sipping hot chocolate, listening to music and reading while the rain purifies the world around me. While I enjoy this initially, I soon settle into the rant around not getting autos, potholes, clothes remaining damp etc. You get the picture.

So this monsoons you are going to find me cribbing to a much lesser extent (can't completely avoid it na) and trying to connect more with the season. I will learn a little more about the weather system that causes this monsoon much beyond what my geography text books have taught me, read more about poetry and literature down the ages, understand how this season affects/affected farmers, artisans, kings, wars and society and so on.

I have a lot of reading lined up and I am starting with something that I wanted to read always - Ritusamharam by Kalidasa.

If

This poem gives me goose pimples every time I read it. And I relate to it differently every time I read it. I am amazed depth of insight into vicissitudes of human life that Rudyard Kipling possessed. Something written close to a century ago, touches each individual in such unique ways that it is humbling and inspiring.

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

Now do check out Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal narrating If. (Btw,these two lines ‘If you can meet with triumph and disaster And treat those two imposters just the same; are inscribed just above the centre court entrance at Wimbledon).

Definitely, Maybe

‘This used to be Veronas remember?’ Aneesh pointed out to the shop that stood at the famous Besant Nagar intersection.‘It was always as crowded as it is now, but there was this feeling of cosiness at that place. Don't you think so?’

Tara was lost in her thoughts. Though she was looking in the direction where Aneesh's hands were pointing, but her mind was elsewhere.‘Tara... where you lost?’

Tara looked confused for a second before replying ' Yeah and they made the best Burgers in entire Chennai here. Its a pity that Veronas closed down. Too many people have fond memories of that place.'

'Yeah, who can forget that.. You want to take a walk in the water? Lets get our feet wet.' Aneesh was already beginning to cross the road towards the beach. Tara paused a bit, as though evaluating whether to follow Aneesh. She just glanced to the right and left and scurried across.

---------

'But I don't Understand, this is crazy. Why suddenly? What happened? ' Aneesh yelled over the phone.

'It is not sudden. I have been thinking about it. for a while.' Tara's voice for steady and betrayed no emotion. Aneesh was stumped. The moment he heard the tone of the statement, he knew she had made up her mind.

'Ok fine you have been thinking about it. But shouldn't you have been talking to me? I am your boyfriend. And you have been thinking of jettisoning mid way.'

' I didn’t think it was necessary.'

'What is that exactly supposed to mean? You didn’t think it was necessary’. Aneesh voice was bellowing in the corridor where he sat with his cordless phone. He picked himself up and walked up to the terrace into the open. There was a small nook behind the stairs that took one to the water tank where he would often sit and chat with Tara. The nook was shielded from the sun by the stairs and was always cool and damp. He found the same spot today.

You would talk to me on what clothes to wear but for this decision you didn't think it was necessary. Are you mad? I refuse to accept this as a decision, we need to talk’.

‘Aneesh, yes we can talk. And we will talk. But this is it Aneesh. I would urge you to accept my decision for I've made up my mind. It wouldn't work out between us’.

‘Ok. So tell me why would it not work out?’ Aneesh was beginning to sob. The previous sentence from Tara had hit him with the force of a steam roller.

‘Aneesh. I am sorry to hurt you. I am. But it might just prove detrimental for both of us in the long run. so I think this is the decision for both of us.’ Aneesh sat quietly. He was seething with rage. ‘Aneesh?’ Tara whispered softly. Oh! how much he loved it when she called out his name in that manner. ‘You there?’ Tara's voice was louder this time.

‘Hey.. hey.. don't you dare use that line of thinking on me. If you want to take a decision that is best for you, go ahead and do it. Don't you bother packaging it and making it sound as though it is in my best interest. I know my best interest and according to me is exactly opposite to what you are suggesting at this moment’.

‘Fine. But this is the way it is going to be Aneesh. You better accept it. And I don't want to meet you for a few days’.

‘Tara. If this is what makes you happy, great. We shall have it that way. But if you could ask me out in person, then well the least you could do is break up in person’.

‘Oh.. Aneesh!’ Tara voice stumbled as she broke down and was bawling on the other end. ‘I am sorry Aneesh, but don't ask me to do that’.

-----------

Tara walked silently looking down at her feet as it impressed upon the shifting sand. Each step seemed to carve out a pattern that was different from the previous. ‘Is it the sand, or my eyes that is playing a trick?’ Tara wondered as she prodded along beside Aneesh.

It had been 7 years since they had broken up. Tara memory of her relationship with Aneesh was vague. But what was clear then was that she couldn't stand his idiosyncrasies. While they were friends there had been a tacit understanding of personal space that was inviolable but when they started dating, the invisible lines suddenly blurred and problems increased manifold. The relationship didn't last too long. She had graduated and moved to US to do her Masters. There she had started seeing Ishwar. Ishwar was one year senior in her university and was a very close friend of her roommate. Within a month of landing in US she had started dating Ishwar. They had been going strong for 6 years. He had graduated and joined a technology firm in Silicon Valley and she followed suit the next year. They were living in together and for all practical purposes they were a couple. After 2 years of working, she applied and got into London School of Economics to study Developmental Economics. Ishwar in the same year moved back to India and joined a B-school in India and for the first time they began long distance relationship.

It had been difficult. While they had spoken about how they would cope with long distance relationship and made elaborate plans, the reality turned out to be quite different. What definitely did not help the cause beyond the time zone difference, co-ordination of free time between projects and job searches was the fact that Aneesh was posted in London and Tara and Aneesh has started hanging out a lot together. And by the time she completed her internship stint in Rwanda researching micro financing, she had realised that a corporate career in India is not what she wanted in near and distant future and suddenly her future plans with Ishwar, who was determined to run his family business started feeling alien. She suggested options and possibilities about their future to Ishwar, one that required equal adjustments from both of them. With all her attempts defeated, breakup was inevitable. What hurt her was that it was nasty and the last thing Ishwar said to her before slamming the phone down was ‘ Two timing swine’

------------

‘The broken bridge is still there you know?’ Aneesh tried to break the awkward silence. They had hung out a lot in London and travelled a lot of UK together. They never seemed to run out of conversation topics. Aneesh, had never really gotten over Tara, but had resigned to the inevitable. It took him a while before he started seeing Neha. Neha was his colleague at the London office. She was cheerful by nature. High on energy, smart with a sense of humour that Aneesh labelled as sarcastically witty. Her wise cracks were usually followed by a second of silence (to comprehend the wit) before peals of laughter erupted. She was kind of girl who would be instantlyliked by all, which she was. The number of proposals or interests as Aneesh termed them that she received every month numbered more than what one could count on two hands. Aneesh never bothered to ask Neha, why she chose his expression of interest over the many others. Not that it mattered anyway.

Neha and Aneesh and Tara hung out a lot together in the initial days of Tara's arrival in London. But in the last 6 months, it had been only Tara and him. Aneesh felt strong undercurrents over the past year. A strange sort of tension. It was as though every conversation was loaded with history that could be sensed but not comprehended. For a third party observer, Aneesh and Neha were obviously comfortable with each other and could've been mistaken for being an item, however, every now and then, they would stop abruptly, as if they hit an invisible wall.

Aneesh, had been evaluating his feelings over past 6 months. He was definitely in love with Neha. He cared deeply for Tara. How deeply was the question. The last two months when Tara had been away, he had spent the entire time with Neha and had been convinced where his future lay. He was even more convinced when she got along fabulously well with his brother. She was smart and she loved him. At times. he found it shocking that he was even thinking twice about Neha. He was going home, to Chennai, and he decided that he would break the news to his parents. He sat on his terrace, in the nook behind the staircase where the dampness protected him from the terrible Chennai heat. He came to this favourite nook to bring some calm to his fickle mind. His mind wandered. He caught himself thinking about Neha whether she would be thinking of him, just like he was thinking about her. He picked himself up, walked down to his parents and blurted the news about Neha. His parents surprisingly took it well, and at the end of the hour long conversation wanted to meet Neha at the earliest.

He skipped down the staircase, started his bike and sped straight to the beach where he was to meet Tara.

-----

Tara plunged herself into her research. She would ensure that she tired herself out through the day so that she could have a dreamless sleep at night. At the end of her stay in Rwanda, she flew back home for a short break. She mailed Aneesh only to discover that he was also in Chennai and they had decided to meet at the beach.

Tara arrived half an hour ahead of time. The sun was still burning over the horizon and there was hardly anyone at the beach. The peddlers were still setting up their stores. A kid was blowing balloons to be stuck up on a white sheet, to serve as targets for pellet gun shots. Maybe, this beach was a bad decision, she thought to herself. She had many memories of Aneesh with this place. Like the time when Aneesh had dared her to sit on the bike facing the opposite direction as he drove at crazy speeds over the bumpers. She was surprised with herself. For the last 5-6 years whenever she spoke or thought of Aneesh, it was about the fun they had together and not never in relationship context. She did not even know that these memories existed. As she waited for Aneesh, she prepared herself not to burst out into tears on seeing him. She hadn't spoken about her breakup with anyone over the past month. She feared that she would soon lose it if she didn't let it out.

----------

'Aneesh shall we sit down for a bit?'

'Sure da' By this time Aneesh was sure that something was definitely amiss with Tara. He hadn't seen Tara this uncomfortable earlier, but chose to ignore the situation. They sat down staring at the dark sea, speckled with lights from the ships at a distance, standing in line at the entrance of the port. She wasn't the most talkative, but she was uncomfortable with the silences. 'Silences, between two people when they are not doing anything else, is a sure shot indication that the zing in the relationship needs to be revived.' Was her standard statement.

Aneesh was bursting within. He wanted blurt out the details of the day to Tara. On how ecstatic he was about his parent's reaction. He hadn't even spoken to Neha about it. He was just waiting for the right time to blabber it all out.

'Aneesh..' She looked up at him. His face seemed to form a pretty silhouette against the bluish black sky.

' Do you think we met too early? what if we hadn't met then, but sometime later... like may be now...'