Dont fret- Just not worth it!

I told him what I felt about time exposing the truth- that time did not heal wounds, but that the passing years gave us a vantage point to see the reality of things. I added that it was no fun to grow old but that the compensation for it was that time turned your mental shit detector into a highly calibrated instrument.

-- Paul Theroux in Dark Star Safari

How true. Looking back (now that I am old), the incidents/decisions that I had considered extremely important/critical at a particular point in time, today when I look back, seem not that important and sometimes even trivial. I am not taking away anything from those incidents or those decisions. They were extremely important at that point in time. But they do not seem that important now. Some of them have been major decisions but those everyday/routine ones for which, I was tensed and fretted over, seem so trivial now.
And these are not just my thoughts. A few of us had got together and somehow through the conversations somewhere, the same topic came up. And I was surprised that almost everyone felt the same way that I did.

I guess this is called experience :)

So, a simple decision has been made. Do not get your B.P. high or negative energy in over any and every issue. Just not worth it! Things have a way of falling in place. After all, life is what happens to you when you are busy making other plans!

For God's sake give the man something to do!

' Show man love
if you cannot ,

Show man hope
if you cannot ,

for God's sake give the man something to do!

Note: I heard this statement in a movie. Darn right, I say!

I remember

I remember

- catching a glimpse of you for the first time when you were crossing the road, near the station, before you disappeared into the milling crowd.

- looking at every girl on the street near the station hoping it was you, just to see you one more time.

- being surprised and grateful to god beyond my belief, when you were introduced to me on campus the next week.

- making up stories of my prowess and accomplishments just to impress you, and feeling like a road side filmy romeo afterwards.

- our first telephone call, that lasted for 4 hours.

- hoping that every telephone call that comes in would have you at the other end of the line.

- feeling stupid and simply-happy when you were around.

- being scared beyond wits on the day i decided to tell you that I was desparately in love.

- lying down on my terrace with my phone next to me and thinking why girls-need-time for everything?

- opening ur SMS with trepidation and feeling relieved.

- our visits to the beach

- searching for you when we were out as a group and feeling reassured when I noticed that you were doing the same

- putting my arm around you, this was not the first time, yet it felt very different.

- those tiny moments of being alone, holding hands without people noticing, when we were in crowded places

- me asking you what you were thinking, when all you replied was 'I love you'.

- feeling irritated, helpless and frustrated when you had to go off for a week on vacation and I had no means on contacting you.

- pinching myself today 10 years later, and realising that i still feel stupid and simply happy around you and empty when you not around.

Living by ourselves

I am starting a series of posts (hopefully it would be a series) on my adventures of living alone.

Let me tell you something. Living alone is just not easy. (duh!).

Background : Two of us Me and Sri share an apartment.

After having an extensive signing ceremony the previous evening (one that would give fierce competition to any Indo-Pak peace process signing ceremony) attended by Sri, me, Owner, Owner's wife, three other witnesses and owners kid, we were all set to move in. (Oh I forgot to mention some chai (tea), biscuits and sweets were also part of the ceremony. Yumm!)

The first instruction we got from the owner was that we have valve system arrangement for water flow control inside the house. We heard the owner give instructions but given our background as engineers, we were confident of not only controlling the system but even making changes for the better. (hail the engineering ego!) Let me try explaining a valve system a little.
A warning to the readers that the following few sentences would require extensive visualisation ability and an ability to see marvel and beauty in human ability to complicate simple activities.

There are two mini tanks in the loft of my apartment that can store 1000l of water. One of them is connected to the main pipe (from the overhead tank). The other tank is connected to metro water tap. Metro water comes in daily between 8 and 8.30 am. The two tanks are interconnected. The water control system is quite intricate. There is an inlet valve (V1) for metro water in the kitchen. Valve V2,in the common bathroom(B1) controls inlet of water into the two tank combination. Valve V3 in bathroom B2 controls outlet of the water from the tanks i.e. to the taps. Opening of valve V1 and V2 would let water in only when metro water comes. Opening of valve V2 during any other time would lead to back flow of water and hence loss of water in the tank system. Practically, there is just one entry for water into the tank system, but two exits one through valve V3 and other through valve V2 which is also an inlet.

Day 1:

Now that all of you have understood the system of water control at my place, let me begin my story. There is quarter tank water and we have switched on the washing machine which has utilised almost all of the water available. It is close to 8 am now and we are impatient as the unscheduled use of washing machine has left us without water. Even morning ablutions had been put on hold.It is like those movie scenes where the camera shuttles between a ticking clock and a guy pacing up and down. Suddenly the bell rings. We look at each other puzzled. We did not expect a visitor on day 1 that too at 8 am. We open the door to find the watchman who informs us that he is now going to open the main metro water valve. We rush back to the bathrooms and wait with empty buckets for water to come. (I was praising my contingency planning abilities which made me foresee this situation and buy 3 buckets instead of 2. * Self Applause*) Minutes tick by and no water. We come out of bathrooms and look at each other bewildered. After 2 minutes of hypothesising I arrive at the conclusion that 'water cannot disappear' and it is no 'maya' and that 'the house is not haunted'. We decide to look for rational reasons (go engineering!) and start from the basics. We discover very soon that we have 3 valves in our house and some how figure out that opening of the 3 valves in the right combination would allow water to come in. My mind instantly flashes back to this game show called crystal maze which used to come on TV where the participants would play games to recover the crystal, and one of the games was opening the correct valve combination to let the water in in, at the right time and spot.

My flash back mode was cut short when Sri yelled, 'Macha! I see water'. I rush to the room where the sound had emanated from. I saw water, but something was different. It then dawned on me that water was in the bedroom and not in the bathroom. Again, working from first principles and with help of clues left by culprit (Read soapy water), we discover that the water has leaked from the washing machine outlet pipe which had a hole. It was crisis time and I decided to take charge and make the critical decision. They say that when a man is put to test, his true nature, his courage, grit and intelligence is revealed. I yelled almost ordered Sri, 'Figure out the valve combo and I will clean this up'. That decision I must say was a self sacrificing decision which I am very proud off.

So two MBA graduates fresh out of prestigious B schools in India, were involved in highly complicated exercise that morning. One was convinced that there was a devil in the house for the more he mopped the floor, more water seemed to be flowing. (Only later did he realise that he had not switched off the washing machine which allowed water to leak out even as he was cleaning the floor). While the other performed highly effective and precise movements between bathrooms B1, B2 and kitchen to figure out the right valve combination. ( Sri I am sure, has since done time and motion studies on this to save us precious nanoseconds in morning hours)

Our motto of 'try try try till you succeed' paid rich dividends with both of us had a well earned a luxurious bath. On our way to office we laughed at our morning adventure. We labelled it as 'learning experience'. We had no idea of what was in store for us that evening and in the subsequent days.

Return of the King!

I bow to thee !

Books thicker than the encyclopedia would be required if one were to document each and every word written about this great man. Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar.

I am sure that there was no man, no man in this country or a genuine cricket lover who was not gladdened when he saw Sachin hit his century today. I did not follow the match today as I was in rural Tamil Nadu. The moment I got to know that Sachin had scored a century today, a wonderful feeeling of happiness and joy just enveloped me. Today he was back, back with his sixes. He was back with his straight drive, straighter drive and straightest drive. (This should be christened Sachin shot!). His sixes over extra cover were an absolute spectacle to watch.

There was a time when Sachin got out and half of India would switch off its Television sets. There was a time when he carried the hopes of 1 billion people alone. It may not be the case today. People may still see hope in the match even if Sachin is dismissed but people never lose hope in a match if Sachin is around.

Greatness is not about making a big bang. Greatness lies in consistency. Being able to go out on the field, and perform at the pinnacle of one's performance day after day, time after time defines greatness. Tiger Woods in his recent interview(published couple of days ago), defines greatness as equivalent to consistency.

All I can say is that I am truly blessed to be a contemporary of Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar ;) . He has given me the sheer joy of watching poetry in motion.

I bow to thee!

'Form is temporary, class is permanent'

He was a man today!

He was sure that people had definitely faced a similar predicament before and he was not the first one. Yet the solution seemed so simple to him. It did not seem to warrant too much of a thought. The answer was just there. He knew that he was right in this case.

He wasn't right because it was morally or socially or ethically the right thing to do. It may have been.

He wasn't right because he was going to sacrifice something for someone else. Atleast not this time.

He wasn't right because there was an ulterior motive of greater common good or of self-interest behind it.(Though people would easily read into it!)

But it was the right decision because he could not let himself down. He knew that this decision would define him. It would never be obvious or conspicuous to anyone else. But he just knew it.

He felt proud of himself, he felt he had grown up. He was a man today!

One's calling

I spoke to a friend of mine this week. She had just quit her job. What is so special about this person? Well, she quit her job to pursue her passion- singing. For years now, she has been trying hard to make a break into the film world. Her progress has been slow, nothing spectacular to speak about. But she hung in there. Guess her perseverance has finally paid off. She has got a couple of breaks and, soon starting next month, we would get to hear her singing with prominent playback singers. Things are now happenning for her and that too in quick succession. Guess, if we hang in there long enough and hard enough, our dreams might just come true. One never knows.

As I settle into a mundane routine, any change small or big is welcome and is eagerly awaited. Change, I've realised has to be brought into existence. Sitting around hoping that I would be able to read a book a month,or learn an instrument or a new subject is wishful thinking. 'Proactive', thats the word.

In the context of 'proactive', 'change' and 'quitting jobs', I have been thinking, if there is something out there or in me, that would make me quit my job and get me out of the current comfort zone. I have not been able to think of any for now. Yes of course I plan to fight (and am doing a little now )against corruption and for preservation of environment and a few more social causes, but I guess I have not found my calling yet. I would not hesitate to quit, I am sure , but for what cause?

It would be nice to hear some views/ideas/opinions on this.

'It is such a nice feeling when good things happen to good people.'

A Girl - An Inspiration

Dear Ravi,

I hope things are going great with you. It has been a while since we spoke. I did not have much to say earlier, as it was a routine life for me. I go to work, get back home, swap through a few channels, sleep and go back to work the next day. Weekends, I try and meet up with some of my old friends. I write to you today, to tell you about a wonderful person, a person who has inspired me and a person so has made me believe in the indomitable human spirit.

I had a classmate who studied with me during my post graduation. She now lives in Mumbai alone and works for a financial services company. She builds complicated financial models for portfolio analysis and the rest. She travels to work daily alone, her office being a 20 minute drive from her place. She is very smart and she is doing exceptionally well in her job. She was among the top 20% of the students on campus. She is always smiling, cheerful and she loves to hang out with friends and have fun. In all, a totally cool gal!

You must be wondering what is so special about her. Well, she is visually impaired. She can’t focus her sight. She cannot read this passage or any other passage. Now, go back and read every line I have written in the above paragraph with this new perspective.

So, do you see how difficult each of those things is for her? She can see the watch she wears on her hand but cannot read the time. She cannot read documents or mails or numbers on an excel file. Yet, she has graduated from one of the topmost institutions of this country. And she has graduated as top of her class. She has a special software that reads out all documents/e mails to her. For exams, she had a person who would read out the questions and she would answer them verbally and he would pen down those answers. Imagine reading a strategy case which ran into 20 pages and which had over 10 pages filled with tables and graphs. Now imagine this complexity for every subject that we have studied.

A group of us in Bombay had a small get together over the weekend. She was also there and I offered to drop her back. We took a train back. This was her first train journey in Mumbai and she was jumping like a kid. We had a good hour in the train where she told me about her life in college. She had a mental map of the entire campus, a map based on number of footsteps. She knew that it took her 14 steps to reach the staircase from her room and another 25 to reach the mess. In between, at the 12th step she knew she had to climb 3 steps. And this way she had the entire campus mapped out. A campus that was 100 acres big - Wow!

Ravi, more often than not, we never realize what we have, until we have lost it. We take so many things for granted, so many things we do not even think about- like walking in a straight line, like being able to see. Yet, these things sometimes are the biggest challenges people face everyday, day after day and over come them. I look back at my daily activities and try to imagine myself in her situation. The more I thought on this, more my respect for her grew.
She epitomizes the never-say-die attitude. I can go on and on about her, showering her with encomiums and they will still be not enough. One thing is certain. Whatever I achieve in my life, however big (if at all), they will all pale when compared to her achievements on one single day.

Regards,
Karthik

Ps: On a different note, I went for a movie today. They play the national anthem before every show. They played the A R Rehman version of Jana-Gana-Mana which had all great singers of India from D K Pattamal to Lata Mangeshkar the Bhupen Hazarika singing in it. I have never heard a more soul stirring and inspiring rendition of our anthem. There was a silence after the anthem was over. The silence allowed us to immerse ourselves in that moment.

Mumbaikar spirit, the blasts and Us!

I was in office when I got the news that there had been a blast. I got the news within 10 minutes of the first blast. It did not strike me as anything big then. But in half an hour, as I was watching the news in office, my feelings turned from just-another-blast to shock to then to anger.

As I made my way from office to home in an auto( a journey which takes 45 min , took me 4 hours), I saw almost entire Mumbai on roads walking home, or helping people get home. This was the celebrated Mumbai spirit at work. The spirit that has been repeatedly splashed across all news channels. It was an amazing sight to see people, regardless of the strata of society/caste helping each other out. I am proud that I belong to this community here.

But I am sad. Sad because I feel that somewhere over the years, we have forgotten the value of human life. 194 seems to be just a number, not 194 people. Everybody in this world knows 9/11, the day WTC came down. How many people know the 'terror dates' in India? I do not. There are far too many. Do we remember the innumerable J&K attacks? The day of Akshardham attack or the the Varanasi blast? Or do we remember the date or the PARLIAMENT ATTACK? Isn't it tragic that we now consider these things (read terrorist attacks) as something that happens all the time. The day there were blasts in Mumbai, there were blasts in Srinagar. A grenade attack where 9 people were killed. The next day again there was a grenade attack in Srinagar where a constable was killed. The story is the same day after day for years now. How much importance, as a society, do we give to any of these?

We seem to be getting used to terror attacks and that is a very dangerous sign. Continuous and regular attacks has numbed us and instead of crying out foul, we are keeping quiet. I do not mean that we need to protest( and hell, why not?), but the mentality is more that I am talking about. Almost everyone has become passive and that is not where we should be headed.

The celebrated Mumbai spirit should not just represent helping others in times of need, or getting back to normal within couple of days. Mumbai spirit should lead the change that makes people question these dastardly acts and force our governments to work that extra bit to make our cities safe. More importantly Mumbai spirit should bring about a change in mentality. I hope Mumbai can make all of us proud!

'Be the change you want to see'.

Few days in...

Three weeks into the Bombay and I am slowly settling here. The rains in Bombay disrupted normal life and brought it to a standstill.The predominant thought on everyone's mind was how to reach home. I was in a car wading through Juhu. Even the road that had bunglows of Bollywood's most famous like Amitabh, Anupam Kher, Rakesh Roshan was not spared. All these bunglows were knee deep in water and I saw a Merc with water upto its windows. Poor Guy!

The people more hit were the lower middle class and people living in slums. Water reached 7 feet in a particular area near my office. Everyone was scared and last year's memory was still afresh as it figured in almost all conversations. Everyone recounted the hassles they faced to reach home last year and feared worse this year.The media defintely made gross miscalculations. On the first day of rains this year, when it was normal monsoon rains, the media overplayed the disaster card and scared people. They tried to do the balancing act on the next day but they chose the wrong day.

The cops have been doing a tremendous job directing traffic and managing stranded vehicles and passengers. Cars were offering lift to strangers; residents living in the area were taking turns to help people walking, by guiding them through safe paths. Its a nice feeling to witness this. Guess this is the Mumbai spirit people talk about. I am sure people across the country would do the same, but in Bombay its become a habit.

A habit that I have noticed among the people in Bombay is the importance they give to food and places to eat. Everyone knows of a place that makes the 'Best Sandwitch' or the 'Best Paneer' or the 'Best Vada Pav'. And this list of 'Best place for so and so in the World' varies from area to area. So you have worlds best pav bhaji guy in south bombay, in dadar, in Andheri and so on depending on whom you are currently having a converstation with. It is something like being 'World famous in Dadar or Andheri', if you get what i mean. But there is no denying that street food is absolutely amazing.

I stay walking distance from the Juhu beach. I walk to the beach almost daily. There is something about the sea that draws me to it. Is it the breeze from the sea or the sound of the waves? I don't know why,but the sea has a calming effect on me.I am usually reflective whenever I take a walk on the sands. Sometimes nostalgic, sometimes pensive. The last two saturday evening/nights were spent at Marine Drive, during a slight drizzle and the waves lashing on. Its such a beautiful sight and a memorable experience. One just does not want to leave that place. Another distinct difference that I noticed among people from Bombay is that they are not drawn to the sea the way people from Chennai are. Sea is not a major attraction for Mumbaikars. I do not know why it is so, but it is just is. A pity, I say!

Day 1 - Mumbai

I am in Mumbai and it is supposed to be raining. But it isn't. To the contrary it has been hot and humid. Even the taxi driver complains that it is very hot and the rains should have been here by now.

I was informed earlier by my company that I would be staying in a 'chumri' or service apartment. I got a shock when I entered my apartment. It was a service apartment of a 4 star hotel, facing Juhu Beach. I had a hall with TV, dining space, sizeable kitchen and a double cot bedroom. A more than modest size apartment for Mumbai. The entire place was air conditioned. I never expected this. I was beaming and guess the bearer saw that. He knew he had a more than generous tip coming his way. I have one month in this apartment. In the meanwhile, I would have to look out for a house for myself.

I have the weekend off. I used the day to visit couple of my friends in Bombay. I went over to South Bombay a.k.a town-side. That place is so beautiful. Its not very crowded. Broad roads, buildings with architecture of an age gone by. Those buildings are majestic and have a towering presence. The roads and their names are like chapters and characters jumping out of a history textbook. The legacy of a historical moment (that happened at the point where you are standing) is sometimes too heavy on you that you seemed to be lost in thought. For a moment your mind shuts out the present - the cars- the buses - the people walking around you , everything and takes you back to that moment. I dont know how to describe it exactly. It was how I felt as I stood by the well and examined the bullet marks at Jalianwala Bagh.

I walked around that area and landed up outside BSE(Bombay Stock Exchange). A sight which I had commonly seen on TV, today it was right there. I grabbed a bite at Parameshwaran's sandwitch place (supposedly famous across Bombay) . It is a small shop on the road off the BSE. He makes yummy sandwitches and I know from the crowd there that he makes more money in a week than what I would make in a month. He was a Kannadiga from Bangalore. I spoke to him in the little Kannada that I knew and instantly we had a conversation going. We spoke about property and real estate prices in Bangalore and he gave a hint about his investments there. ( That only cemented my gut feeling that I would never earn as much as him :) ).

In the train back I kept thinking of what makes people come to Mumbai. Why do scores of people prefer Mumbai to other towns/ cities. I got an interesting and probably apt reply from one of my co passengers. He said,(and I quote as much in verbatim) 'Whether it is ten bucks a person earns per day or it is ten lakhs, this city has something to offer to both these kinds. And whoever comes here, get a job. It may not be what his dream job is, but this city offers employment to almost all those who come here'.

An interesting day. I am sure there are many more such days to come in the years ahead.

Moving to Mumbai

I have been busy making purchases and packing for past few days. With my student life done :(, I move to Mumbai now to start my career.

Right in the middle of rains.. but its Mumbai.. can't complain. My next post will be from Mumbai.

Shades of Gray in Me!

When State Bank employees went on strike two months ago, I was not in favour of their strike. My only arguement was that they can't hold the government and people to ransom. It was unconstitutional. I did not know about their demands except whatever came through the media. According to me, they were holding the country and its citizens to ransom and it was unconstitutional. There have been lot of strikes which have disrupted public life. I have been dead against these strikes, atleast in principal.

Today, in this protest against reservation, the medical community has shut hospitals, OPDs, General clinics, pharmacies and so on in different parts of the country. Scores of people (not only the poor) are affected. For small illnesses we run to doctor and gulp down tablets, there certainly would be people who would be suffering severely. Their conditions may not be grave but their suffering could be reduced if the doctors attend to these people on time.

Doctors through their oath have their first responsibility towards their patients. Through this strike they (I should say we, cause I support the cause too) are causing inconvenience to public, and pricipally (atleast) I should be opposed to this strike. I should condemn it and not participate in this strike in its current form.

But I shamelessly admit that just because this is an issue I support, I don't feel strongly against it. Infact I support the strike. I feel that the government is letting us down and I, as a citizen should stand up and protest. I conveniently choose to ignore the discomfort the strike is causing.
I have learnt that things are never ever right/wrong or correct/incorrect. When it comes to policies and interests it is always 'right for whom' vs 'wrong for whom' and 'correct for whom' vs 'incorrect for whom'. From next time on, when other parties protest for their causes, I might be more sympathetic towards them. Or I might forget that once even I caused discomfort to public and oppose their protest on grounds of disrupting public normalcy. I dont think I would be right or wrong . I would be in some shade of gray.

Net-net

Does every conversation need to have a purpose? Does it have to convey something?

If One is asked 'net-net, what are you trying to say?' Do you need to have a clear, precise answer?

For now, you are no longer alone!

You were always busy working but never too busy to say a 'Hi' whenever I messaged you. One mail and I would get a call from across the seas. I now know what you meant when you said to me - 'there is nothing to match the feeling to know that one has people looking out for them.'

You would take that extra liberty with me. Tell me how to do those little things well, scold and yell and rip me apart whenever I did something stupid and brash. That gave me a heartening feeling of being wanted.I know the countless hours you have spent looking over my papers before I submitted them, making sure that it is all in place, to the last comma. Having seen you online regularly, I search for you whenever I log in. There is an uneasy feeling when you are not there.

You have had your tough times, your hardships and your setbacks. You are entitled to say that life has been unfair to you. But you did not. You just hung in there. You worked hard and stayed at it. Through school and work, you kept giving better than your best. You did not drop your contacts and friends as you moved from one stage of your life to another but carried them along with you.

Today, finally, its your time under the sun. It is that time when you can say to yourself confidently that nothing can go wrong, and nothing will. It is that time when one good thing leads to another. The adage 'When they say its your time, it really is your time' , cannot be more apt.

The way forward now appears clear. It is new and fresh. Sure, it has challenges and unchartered territories but it is a beautiful path. Take it, for now you are no longer alone!

A dedication to my friend & my mentor.

'Such Cases'

I decided to drop in to the hospital to see my doctor friend at work in his first month as intern. (The one year training after studies and before getting your MBBS degree). His friend and he had been working for over 10 days on a couple of patients in nephrology department. For many it was the recurring treatment they had to undergo because of the failure of their kidneys. patients with kidney failure, dialysis was the only treatment. They could not afford a kidney transplant surgery.

It was evening time and as I was entering the hospital, he came out. He saw me, took me by my hand and we went and sat inside his car. He burst out crying. I asked him why. Between his sobs he told me.

Basavaraja was his 65 year old patient who had kidney failure. He had called my friend in and told him that he would become a very good doctor and was a nice person and this was the last time he would be seeing him. He added that he could not afford the treatment and hence he had decided to stop it and return home to his village. He said that he knew that he was going to die soon and said he was 'ok' with it. Basavaraja had walked off and my friend did not know how to respond.

I had always heard about such cases, have seen many 70's and 80's movies which had poverty has a theme, but this was different. I did not know what to tell my friend.

I am sure that my friend would get used to such cases as he works. That, sadly, is the reality. We all 'get used' to it. And Basavaraja mingles with countless others and becomes 'such cases'.

How much of selves?

Probably the most difficult thing to do is to keep your external calm, when inside you your thoughts are on an express roller coaster ride. I came across this quote somewhere, and found it really poignant.

If there is a me that curses and cries
And a me that winks and walks in peace
Do I have a choice of selves?

I'm sure quite a few people have some sort of restlessness inside them. Many a times even while being in a crowd, there is a sense of aloofness. You find yourself drifting away in your thoughts. You smile and engage in small talk but your mind is not there with you.

Reading the lines above, I can relate to those phrases 'curses n cries' and 'winks and walks in peace'. I have experienced both in some part of my life. But I guess the toughest part of being oneself comes not in 'choice of selves' but choice in 'how much' of each of those selves. Each one of us is fighting to find that out about ourselves. That might just be one of the reasons for the restlessness, bouts of loneliness and irrational exhuberance. (if I may borrow th phrase from Allan Greenspan!)

This is also life, I guess.

Understand

'You know that is not fair, Chitra. You have no idea how much it hurts when you tell me that I would have never understood. ' Suresh was furious. I had never seen him screaming. Being a guy who prided in being trustworthy and one who would never ever let hs friends down, Suresh could just not come to terms with what Chitra had just said.

'But you are my best friend, and doesnt that count for anything.' Suresh bellowed. Chitra stared at him blankly. Realisng that he was screaming, he paused and then resumed in a mellowed tone. 'Chitra, I am sorry for screaming, but I am hurt'.

'Suresh, you are my best friend. But at that point in time, I just had to take my own decision and I did. I am sorry you feel hurt, but try to understand'. Then came the part I had grown to hate most, but I knew that it was unavoidable. Chitra turned to me and said, 'Why dont you make him see sense'.

The three of us were great buddies and we hung out together always. We were in the same college but different departments. Suresh and Chitra were very close friends and I was sure that they would soon start seeing each other.

'Yeah right! talk sense into me? Tell her not to make such random statements'. Suresh gave me a nudge when he realised that I was lost in my own world. 'Well, what I feel is..' and I stopped. Those two had stopped arguing and were apologising to each other. And I knew this was my cue to leave the room.

I recollected this incident when Suresh rushed into my room yelling 'Chitra says we sould stop seeing each other from now. She says she cannot tell me the reason because I would never understand'. They split and I couldn't do much about it.

Three years have passed since then. Things were obviously never the same again. We went our ways. Chitra started working. I got into IIMB to do my MBA and Suresh went abroad to pursue his Masters.

I met Chitra today and we seemed to have time. We started talking. She has moved on, she is into a relationship now and things seem to be falling in place for her. We could not avoid talking about old times. I told her Suresh was still single and took two years for him to get over it. As she spoke about her life today, I realised that she had been living her life , doing things that she had always wanted to do. It is then that it dawned upon me that she was doing the things which she had planned for herself when she was not seeing Suresh.

Putting all pieces together I figured that she had gone back on all promises she had made and had decided to pursue her own dream. She had always spoken about making adjustments to make a relationship work and yet when it came to her, she had backed off. I knew that she would never tell be able to tell this to Suresh, because he would never understand. I remembered that incident, again, today.

My two cents on Reservation

Enough media coverage and even blog space has been dedicated to this topic. Here are my two cents nevertheless.

Well, what ever I say will be viewed as coming from an upper caste and obviously biased, but I continue writing here nonetheless, willing to take on that allegation.

Even the writers of our constitution envisaged reservation only for 10 years, but vote bank politics has ensured that reservation not only continued but also thrived and propogated and even became an election issue. My understanding is that government wants to provide social equitability. This means that equality of opportunity in schooling, college, jobs and so on. But somehow I dont see 'equality' here.

60's and 70's were the era of huge state funded industries and factories. Working in government jobs meant life time employment, pension and other retirement benefits taken care of. So reservation entered and stayed in these institutions. Today, private enterprises are the most lucrative jobs and IITs, IIMs, AIIMS the most prestigious institutions. So today they would come under the reservation umbrella. Tomorrow it would shift to civil services and probably even army, who knows.

When Hon. Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh, proposed to the industry to come up with some kind of diversity policy for affirmative action, (wow... sounds sophisticated.. but read it as RESERVATION). It was unanimously rejected by the CII. Well, I am sure it was the politician in Dr. Singh rather than the economist in Dr. Singh talking. When one wants to compete globally with the best of the best, why would a company want to have a reservation policy. By this, they would be taking in people who are lower down the merit order. This automatically means more training, more expenses, wastage of precious time, resources and space. Today the buzz word is human capital and human equity, and no one in their right senses would want to make their human equity less competitive.

Private enterprise and especially IT was probably the best thing that could have happenned to the non-reservation candidates in late 80's and 90s. Here, merit was recognised. Today if we are known globally for anything its Indian erotica and the IT industry. Why would a nation want to destroy its own competence instead of leveraging it makes no sense economically, politically and hell, even rationally. Short term, myopic election to election view of our leaders is telling.

The problem is systemic and there seems to be no sign of an ideological shift away from the reservation mindset. So the question now in front of us is, will we sit back and see more and more opportunities being snatched away from meriotorious candidates or are we going to stand up to make our voices heard? Will we take some 'affirmative action'?

I do believe that there should be help to sections of society which do not have exposure or do not have ability to gain that exposure. Lets set up more technical schools. Let the industries adopt colleges, diploma schools, run courses in colleges and even schools. These are the common suggestions which come out and are oft repeated but is someone listening? Is someone doing something? Does anyone want to do anything?

Damn! wish I was 'oru naal mudhalvar' (CM for a day):D

I see a lot of protests by students in Delhi, Allahabad, Patna but no news at all from the south. Are all the students willing to accept whatever the diktat is,no matter what its implications are?

Affirmative action: Read here (for stannford's philosophical history) and here (wikipedia).

Elections and Economics

I have this habit of striking up conversations with auto drivers whenever I travel in Chennai. And invariably it comes down to politics. In my recent trip to Chennai, I had a very interesting conversation with an auto driver.

The entire conversation started off with a simple question from me. 'Who will you vote for?'. I was surprised by his immediate reply. 'Jayalalitha' . I was now curious. I wanted to know the reason behind his conviction. My thoughts were jumping from whether his union was affiliated to the AIADMK or if he was a party worker or may be just an 'amma' supporter. But his answer surprised me.

"During this rule of 'amma' the city has done well. There are many new companies which have come to Chennai and many people are visiting Chennai. Hence the business is brisk and I am making good income. "

My immediate and almost instinctive question was 'What about the Rs 2 rice, free TV , removal of liquour from TASMAC and 2 acres land among others'?

'Saar, the Rs. 3.50 rice in ration shops itself is not good, how much at Rs. 2 will I buy. The DMK has been saying that the TN finances are not good and amma is ruining it and they want the centre to help. But, when they are come to power, they will spend the extra money from the state money to provide Rs 2 rice? 5 years ago when DMK was in power how come they did not give rice at Rs 2 when it costed only Rs 2.50. Its all lipservice sir nothing more and nothing new.
About colour TV, we all can buy a colour TV with one month of savings and loan. And for those who cannot do that, for them a hospital in their village or a cement house is more important than colour TV. About land, I dont know when I will be alloted my land, and in this how many acres would the rich people take off.. and more so which corner of Tamil Nadu I would be alloted. If I am given land near Tuticorin (extreme south TN) and I am in Chennai (North TN) whats the use?

I dont want the government to give me free stuff like this. I want them to provide a good system. I will work hard and earn my living. I want them to ensure jobs for people who graduate. My son who comes out of engineering college in next 2 years should get a job. I think this current government has got lot of companies and so my son can get a job. I send my daughter to tutions and she comes back late at night. There are lots of patrols at night and the crime against women has come down in last 2 years. Also amma has paid a lot of importance to girl's education.'

I was totally surprised with his line of thinking. Economic progress combined with increased awareness due to media and a basic level of education can be a deadly combination. If the entire voting population thinks in this manner......


ps: I have only reproduced what the auto driver narrated to me.