Shaken and Stirred
Last week I had a minor surgery on my right hand. A 20 minute operation with local anaesthesia. I guess I am fine now as I am able to type this post out. A little nagging pain but more or less, fine.
I reached the hospital around 9 in the morning when the doctor had one look at my hand and advised a minor surgery which I decided to take it that day itself. I was not told what time my surgery was scheduled and hence I sat in the operating theatre reception room from 11 to 4, till I was called in. In that period, almost every ward boy and nurse asked me who I was waiting for. They could not hide their surprise when I told them that I was the patient and had no one with me. I guess they were not used to seeing patients, that too for a surgery, alone.
Any ways, I went in to the theatre, lay on the table, had local anaesthesia administered, chit chatted with the surgeons while they were operating on me, completed the surgery, purchased the prescribed medicines and walked home.
The fun started an hour later when the effect of the anaesthesia started to wear off. I pride myself on being able to withstand a lot of pain. A wrist fracture, a wired ankle bone, a toe surgery and innumerable muscle tears, sprains and ligament injuries can make a person capable of bearing quite a bit of pain. But that day was something different.
I was alone at home when the pain started. It was acute, sharp, piercing and unbearable. I moved from one bed to another, from bed to sofa and from the sofa finally to the floor. I decided to have painkillers but I could not have them on an empty stomach. The only thing which was there at home on that day was maggi. I somehow managed to tear the packet open with my left hand and teeth and put some maggi to boil on the stove. By now the pain had reached alarming proportions. I was contemplating morphine injections, if only I knew where to find them and get a prescription for them. The maggi was done. The challenge was now to empty the cooked noodles from the pan onto the plate with only one hand. And somewhere in this process I burnt my left hand. A minor burn. But that was the tipping point. I gave in. I yelled loudly in pain. I don't know how I finished my maggi, but I did. I took my painkillers and lay on the bed. They were of little use.
Suddenly all un-nice memories start to flood me. I remember being surprised by those thoughts as I did not even know that they existed in my unconscious memory. They made me sadder and sharpened my pain. I decided to summon my own 'Patronus' by thinking of happy memories and happy times. I did conjure up happy scenes with my friends around. But most of them were happy when they occurred then, but not necessarily now. Suddenly all those events and memories which I had locked up in the recesses of my mind and had apparently forgotten came back to me, like a deluge when the floodgates are opened.
I gave up and caved in. I was physically and emotionally battered. I guess the painkillers did have their effect in a while and I slept off to wake up the next day morning. The pain had subsided substantially. Though I had to train my left hand to brush, I did manage to make coffee and was feeling better. But the ghosts of the past had come back to haunt and that was not something that I could easily forget.
I am much better and relaxed now. But many a times, these days, the calm facade, is just that - a facade. It is similar to a duck swimming in a pond. People can only see the grace and poise, but they fail to notice the near desperate paddling happening underneath the surface. But I know - This shall also pass.
I reached the hospital around 9 in the morning when the doctor had one look at my hand and advised a minor surgery which I decided to take it that day itself. I was not told what time my surgery was scheduled and hence I sat in the operating theatre reception room from 11 to 4, till I was called in. In that period, almost every ward boy and nurse asked me who I was waiting for. They could not hide their surprise when I told them that I was the patient and had no one with me. I guess they were not used to seeing patients, that too for a surgery, alone.
Any ways, I went in to the theatre, lay on the table, had local anaesthesia administered, chit chatted with the surgeons while they were operating on me, completed the surgery, purchased the prescribed medicines and walked home.
The fun started an hour later when the effect of the anaesthesia started to wear off. I pride myself on being able to withstand a lot of pain. A wrist fracture, a wired ankle bone, a toe surgery and innumerable muscle tears, sprains and ligament injuries can make a person capable of bearing quite a bit of pain. But that day was something different.
I was alone at home when the pain started. It was acute, sharp, piercing and unbearable. I moved from one bed to another, from bed to sofa and from the sofa finally to the floor. I decided to have painkillers but I could not have them on an empty stomach. The only thing which was there at home on that day was maggi. I somehow managed to tear the packet open with my left hand and teeth and put some maggi to boil on the stove. By now the pain had reached alarming proportions. I was contemplating morphine injections, if only I knew where to find them and get a prescription for them. The maggi was done. The challenge was now to empty the cooked noodles from the pan onto the plate with only one hand. And somewhere in this process I burnt my left hand. A minor burn. But that was the tipping point. I gave in. I yelled loudly in pain. I don't know how I finished my maggi, but I did. I took my painkillers and lay on the bed. They were of little use.
Suddenly all un-nice memories start to flood me. I remember being surprised by those thoughts as I did not even know that they existed in my unconscious memory. They made me sadder and sharpened my pain. I decided to summon my own 'Patronus' by thinking of happy memories and happy times. I did conjure up happy scenes with my friends around. But most of them were happy when they occurred then, but not necessarily now. Suddenly all those events and memories which I had locked up in the recesses of my mind and had apparently forgotten came back to me, like a deluge when the floodgates are opened.
I gave up and caved in. I was physically and emotionally battered. I guess the painkillers did have their effect in a while and I slept off to wake up the next day morning. The pain had subsided substantially. Though I had to train my left hand to brush, I did manage to make coffee and was feeling better. But the ghosts of the past had come back to haunt and that was not something that I could easily forget.
I am much better and relaxed now. But many a times, these days, the calm facade, is just that - a facade. It is similar to a duck swimming in a pond. People can only see the grace and poise, but they fail to notice the near desperate paddling happening underneath the surface. But I know - This shall also pass.
5 comments:
hey....am sorry to hear about your surgery...I think living alone can elevate pain to a much higher level, nevertheless I am glad you were strong enough to manage on your own! Take care!
Hmm...you are making me think...
2D
heh, so true my friend, so true...
though not pain, i remember whenever i fall really sick and am alone, all sorts shady, negative thoughts and feelings fill up my mind!
Hope the finger is fine now :)
~gv
Hey Ravi, I hope you're doing better now. I thought you were sharing an apartment with somebody. Being sick/injured and living alone makes you realize a lot of things {Psst - 2 attacks of jaundice and counting :)}
Take care da. And don't strain that hand too much :P
Unpred: Thanks :)
Swetha: Thanks for the concern. Alls well. It would be nice to see some activity on your blog :)
tudee: good i made you think. Atleast the number of questions will go down now :)
GV - The not so nice part of staying alone ,i've defn realised is when you fall sick :(
Musafir : I am sharing an aptmt da. But I guess there are sometimes, its just you and your demons :( .. and yes musafir, I will not strain that hand too much :)
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