Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Tagged

Its been a quiet period. Little activity in life and hence here on my blog. While I search for an inspiration to write about, I've been tagged by Unpredictable.

Post 5 links to 5 of your previously written posts. The posts have to relate to the 5 key words given (family, friend, yourself, your love, anything you like). Tag 5 other friends to do this meme. Try to tag at least 2 new acquaintances (if not, your current blog buddies will do) so that you get to know them each a little bit better. Now don’t forget to read the archived posts and leave comments.

Well, I am not too big on passing on tags, but well, let me atleast link up a few posts. This tag gave me a reason to read through my archives atleast.

Family: I haven't written too many on this theme. Here is one dedicated to my paternal grandmom. I wish I knew her better when she was alive. And here is one about my relationship with my maternal grandfather. Someday I will write more on my grandfather. He deserves a blog, all for himself.

Friend: I do not name people explicitly ( except ofcourse H & D here and here), but most of what I write is stolen from reality/ from life which revolves around friends :)

Myself: There is too much off myself all over this blog. hmm.. now that I think of it, I should probably do something about it.

My love: Well.. hmm.. Whenever that happens I hope its like this. ( In my defence, I heard 'Ondra Rendra' from Kakka Kakka and Partha Mudhalnaale from Vettaiyaadu Vilaiyaadu back to back and was inspired!

Anything I like: Travel (1, 2, 3). Something for greater common good, hopefully. (The number in the link has changed!). Short stories. Nostalgic train rides I guess.

Sunday, February 03, 2008

of Intent

After much travel, and lots of work (or so I claim - I hope my boss agrees!:)) I am now home on a week's break. And sadly today is the last day of that break.
Having nothing to do is thrilling for a while, but after the initial euphoria, the lack of activity has made me even more restless. My mood has transited through happiness, sorrow, matter-of-fact and tired-of-thinking-kind of fatigue. I guess I just can't lie around doing nothing :( . I atleast have to think.
I must have been a cat in my previous life. I just move from room to room, snuggle into a warm corner and sleep. All good things have to come to an end. Sigh!
I have been talking a lot to a friend on the theme of 'intention' and having an ' honest intent' being the starting step for everything. And today I read two posts back to back on Swetha's and Unpredictable's blog on the same topic. Guess a lot of us are thinking along similar lines currently.
Its back to routine from tomorrow.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Go Kiss the World!

' Life is a lesson, you learn it when you are through'

There is only so much one can understand and comprehend at a particular stage in life. The answer to some of the larger questions in life, I believe lies in 'wisdom' which is a combination of intelligence and experience. I strongly believe that as one passes through life and amalgamates different experiences into himself, he gets wiser. How he uses this wisdom is upto him, but experience and intellect (his ability to discern) together brings fresh perspectives and sometimes a new meaning dawns upon him.

When I joined IIM Bangalore, the inaugral speech was given by Mr. Subroto Bagchi COO Mindtree Consulting & Mr. Ramachandra Guha, eminent historian. Mr. Bagchi, gave a wonderful speech. It struck a chord, I guess with a lot of people in that hall, including yours truly. But the full purport and import of that speech never hit me on that day . I was excited on making it to the supposed big league, and raring to go, work hard to earn that degree, climb the corporate ladder and earn those big bucks. (I still am :P) But that speech remained lodged in somewhere in the recesses of my mind. I came across it again today. And now, I relate to whatever Mr. Bagchi said in so many ways. I guess this is because I have spent a couple of years working and earning and have a new set of experiences. It is such a humbling and inspiring speech. I am sure that when I read it again a couple of years later, I will relate to it even more. The last line to me sounds so profound yet simple. 'Extra ordinary achievements(success!) from ordinary lives'

I am copying the speech below. It is long, but I assure you that it is well worth the few minutes. Read it and let me know what you think.

Go Kiss the World
Welcome Address by Subroto Bagchi, Chief Operating Officer, MindTree Consulting to the Class of 2006 on July 2, 2004 at the Indian Institute of Management, Bangalore, India

On defining success.

I was the last child of a small-time government servant, in a family of five brothers. My earliest memory of my father is as that of a District Employment Officer in Koraput, Orissa. It was and remains as back of beyond as you can imagine. There was no electricity; no primary school nearby and water did not flow out of a tap. As a result, I did not go to school until the age of eight; I was home-schooled. My father used to get transferred every year. The family belongings fit into the back of a jeep -
so the family moved from place to place and, without any trouble, my Mother would set up an establishment and get us going. Raised by a widow who had come as a refugee from the then East Bengal, she was a matriculate when she married my Father. My parents set the foundation of my life and the value system which makes me what I am today and largely defines what success means to me today.

As District Employment Officer, my father was given a jeep by the government. There was no garage in the Office, so the jeep was parked in our house. My father refused to use it to commute to the office. He told us that the jeep is an expensive resource given by the government - he reiterated to us that it was not 'his jeep' but the government's jeep. Insisting that he would use it only to tour the interiors, he would walk to his office on normal days. He also made sure that we never sat in the government jeep - we could sit in it only when it was stationary. That was our early childhood lesson in governance - a lesson that corporate managers learn the hard way, some never do.

The driver of the jeep was treated with respect due to any other member of my Father's office. As small children, we were taught not to call him by his name. We had to use the suffix 'dada' whenever we were to refer to him in public or private. When I grew up to own a car and a driver by the name of Raju was appointed - I repeated the lesson to my two small daughters. They have, as a result, grown up to call Raju, 'Raju Uncle' - very different from many of their friends who refer to their family drivers as 'my driver'. When I hear that term from a school- or college-going person, I cringe. To me, the lesson was significant - you treat small people with more respect than how you treat big people. It is more important to respect your subordinates than your superiors. Our day used to start with the family huddling around my Mother's chulha - an earthen fire place she would build at each place of posting where she would cook for the family. There was no gas, nor electrical stoves. The morning routine started with tea. As the brew was served, Father would ask us to read aloud the editorial page of The Statesman's 'muffosil' edition - delivered one day late. We did not understand much of what we were reading. But the ritual was meant for us to
know that the world was larger than Koraput district and the English I speak today, despite having studied in an Oriya medium school, has to do with that routine. After reading the newspaper aloud, we were told to fold it neatly. Father taught us a simple lesson. He used to say, "You should leave your newspaper and your toilet, the way you expect to find it". That lesson was about showing consideration to others. Business begins and ends with that simple precept. Being small children, we were always enamored with advertisements in the newspaper for transistor radios - we did not have one. We saw other people having radios in their homes and each time there was an advertisement of Philips, Murphy or Bush radios, we would ask Father when we could get one. Each time, my Father would reply that we did not need one because he already had five radios - alluding to his five sons. We also did not have a house of our own and would occasionally ask Father as to when, like others, we would live in our own house. He would give a similar reply, "We do not need a house of our own. I already own five houses". His replies did not gladden our hearts in that instant. Nonetheless, we learnt that it is important not to measure personal success and sense of well being through material possessions.

Government houses seldom came with fences. Mother and I collected twigs and built a small fence. After lunch, my Mother would never sleep. She would take her kitchen utensils and with those she and I would dig the rocky, white ant infested surrounding. We planted flowering bushes. The white ants destroyed them. My mother brought ash from her chulha and mixed it in the earth and we planted the seedlings all over again. This time, they bloomed. At that time, my father's transfer order came. A few neighbors told my mother why she was taking so much pain to beautify a government house, why she was planting seeds that would only benefit the next occupant. My mother replied that it did not matter to her that she would not see the flowers in full bloom. She said, "I have to create a bloom in a desert and whenever I am given a new place, I must leave it more beautiful than what I had inherited". That was my first lesson in success. It is not about what you create for yourself, it is what you leave behind that defines success.

My mother began developing a cataract in her eyes when I was very small. At that time, the eldest among my brothers got a teaching job at the University in Bhubaneswar and had to prepare for the civil services examination. So, it was decided that my Mother would move to cook for him and, as her appendage, I had to move too. For the first time in my life, I saw electricity in homes and water coming out of a tap. It was around 1965 and the country was going to war with Pakistan. My
mother was having problems reading and in any case, being Bengali, she did not know the Oriya script. So, in addition to my daily chores, my job was to read her the local newspaper - end to end. That created in me a sense of connectedness with a larger world. I began taking interest in many different things. While reading out news about the war, I felt that I was fighting the war myself. She and I discussed the daily news and built a bond with the larger universe. In it, we became part of a larger reality. Till date, I measure my success in terms of that sense of larger connectedness. eanwhile, the war raged and India was fighting on both fronts. Lal Bahadur Shastri, the then Prime Minster, coined the term "Jai Jawan, Jai Kishan" and galvanized the nation in to patriotic fervor. Other than reading out the newspaper to my mother, I had no clue about how I could be part of the action. So, after reading her the newspaper, every day I would land up near the University's water tank, which served the community. I would spend hours under it, imagining that there could be spies who would come to poison the water and I had to watch for them. I would daydream about catching one and how the next day, I would be featured in the newspaper. Unfortunately for me, the spies at war ignored the sleepy town of Bhubaneswar and I never got a chance to catch one in action. Yet, that act unlocked my imagination. Imagination is everything. If we can imagine a future, we can create it, if we can create that future, others will live in it. That is the essence of success.

Over the next few years, my mother's eyesight dimmed but in me she created a larger vision, a vision with which I continue to see the world and, I sense, through my yes, she was seeing too. As the next few years unfolded, her vision deteriorated and she was operated for cataract. I remember, when she returned after her operation and she saw my face clearly for the first time, she was astonished. She said, "Oh my God, I did not know you were so fair". I remain mighty pleased with that adulation even till date. Within weeks of getting her sight back, she developed a corneal ulcer and, overnight, became blind in both eyes. That was 1969. She died in 2002. In all those 32 years of living with blindness, she never complained about her fate even once. Curious to know what she saw with blind eyes, I asked her once if she sees darkness. She replied, "No, I do not see darkness. I only see light even with my eyes closed". Until she was eighty years of age, she did her morning yoga everyday, swept her own room and washed her own clothes. To me, success is about the sense of independence; it is about not seeing the world but seeing the light.

Over the many intervening years, I grew up, studied, joined the industry and began to carve my life's own journey. I began my life as a clerk in a government office, went on to become a Management Trainee with the DCM group and eventually found my life's calling with the IT industry when fourth generation computers came to India in 1981. Life took me places - I worked with outstanding people, challenging assignments and traveled all over the world. In 1992, while I was posted in the US, I learnt that my father, living a retired life with my eldest brother, had suffered a third degree burn injury and was admitted in the Safderjung Hospital in Delhi. I flew back to attend to him - he remained for a few days in critical stage, bandaged from neck to toe. The Safderjung Hospital is a cockroach infested, dirty, inhuman place. The overworked, under-resourced sisters in the burn ward are both victims and perpetrators of dehumanized life at its worst. One morning, while attending to my Father, I realized that the blood bottle was empty and fearing that air would go into his vein, I asked the attending nurse to change it. She bluntly told me to do it myself. In that horrible theater of death, I was in pain and frustration and anger. Finally when she relented and came, my Father opened his eyes and murmured to her, "Why have you not gone home yet?" Here was a man on his deathbed but more concerned about the overworked nurse than his own state. I was stunned at his stoic self. There I learnt that there is no limit to how concerned you can be for another human being and what is the limit of inclusion you can create. My father died the next day. He was a man whose success was defined by his principles, his frugality, his universalism and his sense of inclusion. Above all, he taught me that success is your ability to rise above your discomfort, whatever may be your current state. You can, if you want, raise your consciousness above your immediate surroundings. Success is not about building material comforts - the transistor that he never could buy or the house that he never owned. His success was about the legacy he left, the mimetic continuity of his ideals that grew beyond the smallness of a ill-paid, unrecognized government servant's world.

My father was a fervent believer in the British Raj. He sincerely doubted the capability of the post-independence Indian political parties to govern the country. To him, the lowering of the Union Jack was a sad event. My Mother was the exact opposite. When Subhash Bose quit the Indian National Congress and came to Dacca, my mother, then a schoolgirl, garlanded him. She learnt to spin khadi and joined an underground movement that trained her in using daggers and swords. Consequently, our household saw diversityin the political outlook of the two. On major issues concerning the world, the Old Man and the Old Lady had differing opinions. In them, we learnt the power of disagreements, of dialogue and the essence of living with diversity in thinking. Success is not about the ability to create a definitive dogmatic end state; it is about the unfolding of thought processes, of dialogue and continuum.

Two years back, at the age of eighty-two, Mother had a paralytic stroke and was lying in a government hospital in Bhubaneswar. I flew down from the US where I was serving my second stint, to see her. I spent two weeks with her in the hospital as she remained in a paralytic state. She was neither getting better nor moving on. Eventually I had to return to work. While leaving her behind, I kissed her face. In that paralytic state and a garbled voice, she said, "Why are you kissing me, go kiss the world." Her river was nearing its journey, at the confluence of life and death, this woman who came to India as a refugee, raised by a widowed Mother, no more educated than high school, married to an anonymous government servant whose last salary was Rupees Three Hundred, robbed of her eyesight by fate and crowned by adversity – was telling me to go and kiss the world!

Success to me is about Vision. It is the ability to rise above the immediacy of pain. It is about imagination. It is about sensitivity to small people. It is about building inclusion. It is about connectedness to a larger world existence. It is about personal tenacity. It is about giving back more to life than you take out of it. It is about creating extra-ordinary success with ordinary lives.

Thank you very much; I wish you good luck and Godspeed. Go, kiss the world.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Travel and Learning -3

This has been an unbelievable month for me... I think I have set new standards in travel and have lived out of suitcase the entire month... atleast almost..

I started the New Year in Bangalore and since then I have been to Madras, Bombay, Delhi/Gurgaon, Kerala, Calcutta , Ahmedabad and Lucknow. I will be making a trip to Bangalore again next week. My status line for the month has been ' Transiting Bombay for the month'. .I am in Bombay only for 7-8 days this month.. I think :) ... And I am totally enjoying the travels.

Kumarakom - Kerala


There is something tranquil about this place. I was there on an offsite. I did not have my camera with me, but here are some pictures taken on my mobile.












I am an early riser and all these pictures were taken during my early morning walks. First day, as I lay on that hammock near the water, the sereneness of the place was overwhelming. My mind, not conditioned to 'nothing-to-do' state, decided to roam free amongst my thoughts. After a while, I realised that I was so lost in my self that I had not 'soaked in' the surroundings. And thats what I consciously did.


I noticed that the sound in the background was not of one bird but now, I could clearly distinguish 4-5 different sounds. A crow, a mynah, duck and two more that I could not identify. It was early morning and yet the boatsmen had got into their routine activities for the day. One boat sailed past me. It seemed to know where it was headed. I could already see the sweat on the oarsmen's forehead glistening in the sunlight that filtered through the coconut trees. These fishermen had definitely been working from quite early hours I guess. At a distance I saw, a boat opening up its sail and adjusting it according to the wind direction.

Sometimes we are so lost in ourselves and our thoughts. Guess we start liking ourselves too much, or start believing that our problems are unique and most trying, or we are planning the next race to run or the next battle to fight. This has to stop! atleast pause!

In the many travels that I have made in past 3-4 months or may be even in the past 6-8 months, I never got a chance to enjoy the place as much as I did here in Kumarakom. This time I am thrilled. Happy.
----*-----
In Cal, this time I managed to lay my hands on a lot of street food. . The veggie that I am, I couldn't eat the fish delicacies and the limited time meant that I could not go to Sourav's (I wanted to do that!). Sadly, on the day that I am in Calcutta, Dada scores a duck. Irony!

Anyways I digress. On Russell Street, just of Park street in Calcutta there are a bunch of street hawkers who sport a board which reads 'Awarded the best puchka in town during Calcutta street food festival'. I was taken there by AJ who is non bong but a Calcutta afficanado.(Difficult to find combo!). There I had some amazing puchka's and I had an orange kulfi. In the orange kulfi, the inside of it was completely drained out by making a hole at the bottom, the orange pulp then mixed with kulfi and stuffed back into the orange. This was now frozen and served.

The kulfi was awesome. Unbelievably good. I then had the chikoo and the sitafal kulfis and both were really good. Think about them as equivalent to Bombay's Naturals, but only in kulfi and one notch higher :) If you are in Calcutta, definitely try it.
---*---
In Ahmedabad, there is this small shop which sells pani-poori with 5 flavours of paani .. tamarind, pudina and 3 more ;). And it was yumm! This was at Vastrapur signal in Ahmedabad. Managed to finish my work at Ahmedabad, grab a lot of plates of paani-poori, some nice aalu parathas and I am now all smug with satisfaction.

*Lucky is wondering whether the readers think that he is paid travel to different cities to eat. Sadly his current job is not that, but he is open to such job offers*

Friday, January 04, 2008

Of coffee and conversations

Sandeep sat alone, staring out, at the traffic. Sheets of water slid down the window pane, blurring his vision of the road with disconcerting regularity. There seemed to be a rhythm to the sudden Madras rain. The rain had caught people unaware. It was January for heaven’s sake. People were scampering across the road, to find themselves a shelter. It all seemed so chaotic, yet there was a purpose in everyone’s movement. A method in the madness.

His thoughts led him to the previous night's conversation. Megha was getting married. This was the first ‘news’ he had heard about her , ever since they had broken up three years ago. It was a strange feeling. He was over her. He was seeing Priya now and was quite serious. He had rarely thought of Megha in the past year. Yet, when he heard the news, he was at discomfort, to say the least. He registered no part of the conversations that followed on the dinner table for the next hour. He could only hear Megha say ‘Look, if you want to make it formal, then mark today August 29th, as the day we called it off’. She could never muster up courage to look into his eyes and tell him that she no longer loved him. He wasn’t the perfect guy ofcourse, but who is perfect these days anyway?

His coffee arrived, the aroma bringing him back – to now. The cream on his coffee had been poured in the shape of a heart. How ironic, he thought, for cream on coffee was never among his favourites.

He looked around as he sipped his coffee. The place had a nostalgic feel to it. It wasn’t too old, may be three to four years. But the dark heavy mahogany furniture, bound heavy books by the corner and smart white-clothed waiters moving around with slothful indulgence reminded him of a time gone by. The empty table next to him, with a cup of coffee left half drunk and a cigarette still burning away in the ashtray reminded him of half left conversations; of unspoken words.

While his eyes scanned the surroundings, his mind was populating the scenes the eye saw with known faces and replacing floating voices with recognizable conversations.

Sandeep pulled his cell out, paused and then dialled Megha.

‘ I am getting another call on my cell, I’ll call you back. I love you, bye.’ There was a click and then ‘Hello’.

‘Hi , Sandeep here’.

‘Oh’. The discomfort in Megha’s voice was palpable. She had been caught completely offguard.

‘I just heard about your wedding last night. Congratulations!’

‘Thanks!’. The 'thanks' was measured. The tone ensuring that conversation would end and not continue.

‘I am sure you have a great life ahead of you. All the best! I should hang up now…’. Sandeep’s voice trailed away. He was half hoping for a Megha to say, ‘ No, don’t hang up yet’. Just like the old times. He looked up from his feet. Priya had just entered the coffee shop. He smiled at her and raised his hand indicating that he needed a minute more. Priya smiled and sat, wiping the thin layer of dew that had settled on the chair.

‘ Ok Megha! Take care, Bye!’

‘Sandeep, Sandeep! No don’t hang up yet’.

‘Yeah?’

‘Sandeep, Thanks for calling. Thank you’ . The 'thank you' was measured. The tone suggested that the ‘thank you’ carried with it the purport of all conversations in the past and of the future; of all words spoken and possibly better left unspoken. The words ‘thank you’, had never meant so much ever before.

‘Sandeep, you take care too. This is not the best time for us. Our lives will cross again, I promise. Bye!

‘Thanks Megha. I would wait for that. Bye!’

He looked up at Priya. She was in the midst of an animated conversation with the waiter. Sandeep got up and walked around the table and hugged her as she got up and planted a firm kiss on her cheeks.

He held her around her waist as the separated, and whispered, ‘ Priya!’

‘Yeah?’

‘ Will you marry me ?’

Thursday, December 27, 2007

A wedding, some dancing and a lot of merry!

Its a journey to which I have been a part of. In a very small, tiny but (I would like to consider) important measure. Last weekend, one of my closest friend H got married to D. I have mentioned about them here.

The wedding had all the ingredients. A party , mehendi, sangeet, the wedding and the reception. I can go on and on describing it all, but there are a few things which I have to mention here.

- I danced away to glory on many days and had a lot of fun. I have never felt this happy for anyone in such a long time. I can vouch today that it would be very difficult to find nicer people than H & D.. and even more so as a couple.

- Everyone who came to the wedding had a lot of fun. Everyone was smiling / dancing/ laughing etc. I could see and feel why weddings are called joyous occasions. Literally.

- I felt totally welcome, so much so that I felt I belong there. The warmth of the families was felt by everyone who attended the wedding. I was unceremoniously reprimanded in full view of public by H's dad for being an hour late for the Sangeet. ( In my defence, I was following Gujju Standard time, and I did not miss anything :) )

- H & D have been working hard on organising everything about their wedding for the past one year. From cards, to the 'setup of the place' to the caterers to logistics.. everything. The 5 day event was flawless. Executed to perfection. It was classy in design, look and feel. D is a designer par excellence and from wedding clothes to to decorating the place to the cards, she designed it all. I am going to attach three pictures here.. first one of the wedding place, second of the mandap at night or rather evening time and third of the reception. I am not going to even try describing the beauty, elegance and panache.




- Finally, here is wishing them a great life together, forever!

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Crossroad


I stand today at a junction in life,
where important decisions have to be taken.
Where the past has to be shrugged off,
and it may not be necessarily for a better furture.
He scribbles on a borrowed piece of paper which has Rama Stationery store printed in small at the top. His handwriting has periodic wavy pattern to it. He thinks it is because of the to and fro movement of the train. May be.
He sits alone in the compartment. A boy, around 12-13 years of age stands at the door, his body half inside the compartment, half outside.

There is vast emptiness around me,
but my mind feels cluttered.
I don't know to where I belong, to the emptiness or to the clutter,
or may be its half here and half there.
He laughs at his own desperate attempt to create poetry. He should stop trying to do things that he isn't good at. He tells himself.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Friday Musings

Om Shaanti Om ...I managed to catch that this week. Total timepass I tell you. Shahrukh had a reason to overact (I do like him, and his acting occasionally) and he did that pretty well. I enjoyed the song with 31 stars and was so excited when it was onscreen. I am such a fimli guy :) The music is pretty nice and I have been humming 'Om shaanti Om' and 'Ajab si' songs..and ofcourse how can I forget Deepika Padukone..

I have to let you in on a secret. I have a knack of spotting talent you see. I spotted Deepika Padukone 2-3 years ago and predicted that she would make it big. She was in my top 5 long ago.. oh and that is the other secret.. my top 5. I have this top 5 list which is periodically updated.. right now there is Kiera Knightley, Vidya Balan, Deepika Padukone, Asin and Shreya. And I tell you what they made it to my list long ago.. Kiera with Bend it like Beckham (long before the Pirates series or Arthur). Vidya balan made it there with Parineeta, Deepika with her Close Up ads, Asin- much before her Gajini movie and Shreya.. well yeah.. she made it there after Shivaji only..

I take my top 5 list very seriously. I am planning a trip to London in the next year.. hopefully and one of my agenda items it to track and meet Kiera Knightley. So I am searching for her calender and ways to meet her. If any of you could help.. I would be eternally grateful :). I learnt that Vidya Balan was a second cousin of a cousin of my friend. I did convince my mom to talk to my friends mom if she could talk to Vidya Balan or Vidya Balan's mom.. but I guess it got lost at the first or the second cousin stage, I think. But hey, I did try.

So you see, the top 5 is a priviledged place to be :)
--*--
I had mentioned two posts ago that I would be attending Archie's wedding or rather reception this week. I did that yesterday. And it was fun. Well, not in the literal sense of fun but I had a different experience. The wedding was in Chembur in the Murugan temple (Or the Madarasi temple as the Autowallahs call it). This gave me an opportunity to visit this temple, something I had been wanting to do for a long time now. Anywho, the interesting part of the evening was that there was only one person that I knew in the entire gathering, and that was the bride. I had met Archie through blog and orkut and her circle of people had never intersected my circle of people and hence I was alone in that hall. And boy, what fun it was. It was a typical tam-bram crowd which had gathered there
- There was a group of people of elderly disposition (see I am polite ) sitting in the rows behind me, and I heard the quintissential Tam brahm names - Raghu thatha, Kittu mama and Ramamurthy uncle. Guess only an 'Ambi mama' was missing.
- I heard a mami telling her husband at 7.45pm ' Vango, kalambalam, naazhi aachu'
- I saw a group of mama's discussing the some article in 'The Hindu' and politics and staunchly supporting the BJP
- Some maami's sitting in a row just ahead of me had started their 'maami' work. 'Adhu Lalitha ponnu thaanai. avullukku pakkaralaa'. (But I tell you, weddings are great places to meet members of the opposite sex.. personal experience you see. )
- A mama was telling his group.. 'Maami, pannarai dosai odai bettera irukku'.
But something was missing.. it wasn't feeling complete till I heard one of the women say- 'Kolangal paathelono' . Thats it. How come a gaggle of women and no mention of soap operas or rather mega serials. I silently clenched my fist and muttered 'adhu!'

I had now had a almost complete tam-bram social event experience.. (well ofcourse I missed the filter coffee among a few other elements..but it was as good as it gets kinda thing)
--- **---
Tomorrow, saturday, I am going river rafting. So I am looking at an action packed weekend. Hope its fun. If I get some pics, I will put them up.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Being 'cool'

So this is how it feels to be independent. Having a house to yourself. No one to tell you how to keep it. No one tell you that you need to fold the newspaper back once you have read it or that you can't walk all around the house in your shoes. No one tell you that all things need to have a place to keep. No one to tell you, why you bought that extra pair of shoes or why you are gorging away on those potato wafers lying on the sofa. Shreya wondered why her mother couldn't be cool.

She had called home after buying a new leather clutch purse for herself with her first salary. It was a touch expensive and was worried how her mother would react. But her mother did not pass any comment on the price. Nothing at all. Shreya hung up the call, but was surprised. Her mom seemed excited that she had bought something for herself with her own money. That was it. It was her own money now. Shreya suddenly felt liberated.

--*--
Shreya had settled into her new job, new city and new environs comfortably over the past 6 months. But one thing that she had not settled into was sharing her apartment with her current flatmate. She could not understand why, the newspaper could not be folded back after it was read or why one could not remove their shoes before walking all over the house. The fans and lights would always be left on and the sofa would contain food pieces once her flatmate had finished snacking. Shreya wondered, why her flatmate couldn't be cool.

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Anniversary - Another day

Today I celebrate my blog's second anniversary. Thank you. Thank you ! So I guess it is a time for a lot of reflection and contemplation. (So well, whats new about that on this blog, right?)

If you ask me today, why I write a blog, the honest answer is I don't know. May be I like a parallel existence. I think I started it because it was cool and quite a few of my friends were doing it. And as I started to surf, I figured out that blogs like people have a character and it needn't be an online diary. So, as I did some thinking about the identity of my blog, 'In perpetual transition' came to me instantly. I am that and a lot more. However, the name of the blog, Have-no-fullstops, is inspired by a book by Sir Mark Tully of the same name ' Have No full stops in India' which is a collection of 10 essays on India. I read that in my class 10, I think. It was then that I was drawn to non-fiction and I have remained a non-fiction loyalist ever since. Have-no-fullstops also symbolises what I believe in - there are no fullstops, some commas, some exclamation marks, some hyphens but full stops.. naa..

Anyways, if you guys think that I am going to say that its been one long journey over two years, where I have grown up, changed , matured, developed a world view and all that. Sorry. I am a little more pessimistic. Yes my life stage has changed and hence my experiences and world views have accordingly. But I do not think that I have changed, grown up, matured and all that. Its not that I have been perfect or totally mature that I did not have the need to grow up or mature further. Its just that I have stagnated at the place where I was and I still am.

Look at the themes in my post. I am an eternal optimist, or so I would like to believe, yet there is a distinct strand of melancholy. There are so many different forms of relationship that I experience first hand or see people in - like husband wife, boss reportee, brother sister, best friends, father son, and yet I have explored only one of them boy friend - girl friend. I feel that the posts in the first year of my blogs existence had some form of energy, which I guess, fizzled away. I think it is a reflection of whats happening in the real world too, I guess.

So, I set out on a mission to bring about change. Get my life to be more active, break the routine, the monotony. I made plans to do one new thing this year, or see two new places, read three new authors and so on. But every time I took two steps forward, I retraced three. And in these tries, you learn a harsh reality. The biggest and the toughest battles are those which you fight with yourself. And in contrast to this, it is so simple to overcome the biggest challenge the external world throws up in your direction.

But you know what. The very fact that I have realised what battles I need to fight within myself, is the first step. The fact that I am willing to fight means that I have a foot in the door, already. And trust me, this is just a comma, or at max a semi colon and if that has to change, it will be to an exclamation mark! :)

So much for an anniversary celebration, right? There have been a few of you I guess who have been reading my blog since its creation and a few who have hopped on somewhere in between and a few who just peek in occasionally and a few who have dropped off on the way. Well, whoever you guys are, and from wherever you are - Thank you.

By the way, I have some great news. Through this blog, I met a great friend and my circle of people expanded by one more nice person. And coincidentally, she is getting married this week. So 'Archie' a.k.a '@' - here is wishing you a very happy married life!

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Friday Musings - You feel good?

What follows is a personal rant. Be warned!
Hi Ravi,
I know that you are quite busy these days and the next two to three months are going to be even more hectic, with almost little time to breathe. I also know that you are entering what is possibly the most challenging project you have handled in the past year and the expectation to deliver better than ever is even higher. And, that is the exact reason why I am writing to you today.

Your mind is already preparing for the next project and for the hectic few months that lay ahead. However, today I want you to pause, albeit even for half an hour to look back at your previous project and the past two months, and feel good about it.
Your job currently, if I may simplify , is to work on the big opportunities or the big problems, do some analysis, come up with recommendations and then sell your recommendations to everyone within the organisation. And, you have been reasonably good at this. However, given the fact that you work on the big opportunities or problems, your recommendations have a natural traction and people are willing to listen to you, even upto the top management level. They may not buy it, but they are willing to listen to it. This is not to belittle your efforts or to say that you have had it easy so far. I am just providing this perspective to highlight your recent achievement.
The last project however was your first external project. You had to not only understand the market, the competition, new categories, new business quickly but also the client's business and their organisational priorities and then make strategic recomendations. This time there was no natural traction for your recommendations. Infact, this time you had to compete with one other big organisation and an equally capable team, if not better, for winning the project. And you won. Congratulations!
Among the many good things that you should take away, the most important thing is that you were pushed out of your comfort zone and were required to adapt within almost no time which you did really well. So in the future, remember that you have demonstrated the agility to respond to change, and, whenever you feel a little apprehensive (like right now) , think of this.
Changing gears, I do have a big crib. You really really need to learn to accept appreciation and enjoy the good times. Philosophically you are stoic, and nothing wrong with that. When things are tough, you have a great attitude and look at the positive side. But then why, when the things are good, that you forget to cherish, celebrate and feel good. Remember how when you called up your friend for congratulating her on her achievement, she played it down to the level of rubbishing the recognition, that you felt let down for feeling so happy and excited for her. Don't you think others also feel the same way when they talk to you? Ok, you ain't that bad, but still you are no great either. Accepting gracefully is also as art and makes people feel great, just like giving thoughtfully does.

It is difficult to change but not impossible. Infact it just requires one thing - willingness to change. Are you willing?

Good luck on your next two three months for it is going to be one hell of a roller coaster ride.
Regards
Karthik

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Connoisseur's Abodes in Madras

Guess I am back with more Chennai tales, and this time with some gastronomic ones :)


I suddenly seemed to be discovering brilliant food places in Madras that I am thrilled. So much is my penchant for finding out new places (in the limited vegetarian world) that I put a simple condition that I will meet you only if we go to a place that I haven't been before.

I had mentioned about 'Kafeoke' - the coffee bar with 'karaoke'. I was there with two of my B-school buddies. This place is pretty good. It is on First seaward road in Thiruvamyur and it is a beachside bungalow on stilts overlooking the brown sands and the blue expanse.You have a couch where you can lounge around, one huge screen where everyone can see you sing. This is the Western zone. There is another separate room behind sound proof doors for Hindi and Regional language songs. There is a sit out where you can sip your coffee, oblivious to all the singing happenning inside and just watch the waves try and climb the land.

We tried our hand at singing. The first attempt at 'American pie' gave us a score of 8/100. Then I moved to my so-called forte and attempted 'Roja Jaaneman' from Roja.. and scored 36/100. So there it is. I am now officially a better singer of Hindi Songs and hence being in Bombay I shall take my shot at Bollywood. Watchout Indian Idol, Voice of India, Sa Re Ga Ma Pa Dha Nee Saa and all such reality shows, here I come! Woo hoo!

Anywho, I was pretty pleased with myself with my effort. We met the owner of the place Swapna Abraham. She introduced herself to us and took us around the place. She is a leading gospel singer, having recorded over 18 albums. Now she runs this place which also has a recording studio. She takes singing classes too, for those who are interested. Here is her website.

She sang Careless Whispers on the Karaoke.. and whoa.. that was something. I am not gonna try and describe her singing but she scored 82/100. That should say it all :)

The place is done up pretty well and has a relaxed ambience where one just lounges around. Also while you are there, do not miss the omelette sandwitch. :). The food is not expensive at all and the cost per song on karaoke is Rs. 30. After all, how expensive can Chennai get! (except the auto rickshaws!)
Sorry, do not have pictures of this place.
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Amethyst needs no introduction to Madras. It is one of the many heritage buildings that has been converted to an art gallery. This one has a coffee shop and a restaurant too. The art gallery has designer stuff and is pretty-priced but wares that one gets over here is phenomenal. The food is not too expensive here. The best part about this place is that you can sit around and people will not bug you or disturb you. Waiters wont hang around you, making it uncomfortable for you so that you leave soon. Infact, you can go sit there, and till you decide to disturb the waiter, he will not disturb you. :)

Evenings and nights are the best times to go to Amethyst. If the weather is pleasant you can sit out in the verandah or even under the trees in the open. I have been to Amethyst three times in the last month itself :). One can just take a book, ipod, laptop or just decide to sit in one corner and stare at nothingness. It is a great place to catch up, even with oneself.

I was there yesterday catching up with my engineering college friends. The food is good. I wouldn't say exceptional for I've definitely had better. But put the entire experience together it is seriously one place one would enjoy lounging. Here is a picture of me at Amethyst. ( Poor quality as it is taken in my cell phone.)


I know its difficult to take eyes off the 'center of attraction = me' :P but just look at the background and see how the place has been done up. Don't you just wanna go there.. like right now?
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An finally, every meal has to end with a desert. So obviously a post on places to eat has to end with a post on a 'Desert Bar'. Sathyam Theatre or rather Sathyam Multiplex is like a landmark in this city for decades. But the new desert Bar in Sathyam complex called 'Ecstasy' is just that, pure 'Ecstasy'. This place was recommended to me by my friend, and the three of us decided to check this place out. We had kept enough space for desert.


First look at this place and we are like WOW. Sleek, sophisticated futuristic and a great combination of white walls, dark wood and leather sofas. The place is inviting in itself. It is posh , yes that the word , posh.



We look at the deserts displayed and we choose Tiramisu, lemonart and Crepes with Hazelnet sauce. We take a few snaps of the place and await our deserts. It finally arrives with home-made or rather shop-made ice cream. One bite into the desert and there is sereneness. The world is at peace. If you have seen Ratatouille movie, where the critic Anton Ego, remembers his mother, childhood and all innocence when he has the first bite of 'Ratatouille'. It was just that.

Yes I am exaggerating, but you should have seen us. The three of us sat there giggling, gushing and devouring, savouring the deserts. We were like a three year olds who had just discovered the existence of chocolate. The deserts were not too sweet. They were just right. They had the right balance of sweetness to tickle your tastebuds instantly and a brilliant after taste that ensured that I did not drink even water for the next half hour.
The chef is Michael Besse of international fame. Some enquiries later I found out that he has been around the world in many big hotels in different countries. I could not speak to him this time around, but next time, I will try and do so. I would very highly recommend this place to all and sundry. It is a wee bit expensive, but hey do pamper your taste buds once. A connoisseur's abode, you wouldn't regret it.
Guess, these days when everything is reduced to a come-wait-eat-go format, I am a sucker for a fine dining experience. I would love if you guys could recommend places that I can check out. A fine experience is all I ask for.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Travel and Learning 2

Week 2 passed off uneventfully. Research went on well. I took a day off in Madras and drove to Mahabalipuram with a friend. We left around 12 noon and reached fisherman's cove at 1.15ish. The drive was as scenic as ever. It had rained and hence the roads looked washed. The air was moist and the greenery seemed to have got a fresh coat of life. The very sight of the beautiful expanse of infinite blue just beyond the brown sun burnt sand and the small patches of green coconut groves lifted my already soaring spirits to new high.

At fisherman's cove resort we wanted to do the catamaran ride where they would take us on a catamaran into the sea for around a kilometer or two and drop you there with life jackets on. (For folks who have seen Anjana song in Yuva with Kareena and Vivek Oberoi or the Aazhithai Yezhuthu in Tamil with Trisha and Siddharth, this song was filmed in Fisherman's cove and the catamaran ride is the same one that I am talking about). Unfortunately the sea was rough and no boats were venturing into the sea. Later that evening when we came back home, we figured out that the particular day that we chose to go for the catamaran ride was the day when the moon was closest to the earth; and hence the rough sea conditions. Now imagine the odds of choosing one day out of 365 days and getting it on the same day that the moon decides to be 'chuddi-buddies' with earth.

This has led me to an intriguing thought and hence I am starting a contest. I would like to hear from you guys what is 'that' one( or more) situation which you felt would just not happen 'coz the odds of it happenning were not even imaginable. But 'that' happenned. I hope I am clear here. You could mail/ comment about your incidents. There is a prize at the end of this contest. I have the sole discretion of deciding the winner( and yes, I am allowed to select myself as the winner!)

Anywho, I was in Bangalore for the weekend and on Sunday morning I went for a drive and decided to drive to the other end of the city. On my way back, I entered a No Entry road and was promptly caught by the cop. He asked me to show me my driving license. I stepped out of the car with my dad to talk to him. He saw me wearing an Infosys T Shirt and my dad wearing a TCS T shirt. ( Thanks to my brother who participates in hazaar competitions and all inter collegiate competitions in Bangalore are sponsored by software companies who dole out freebies). He glanced at our T shirts, made a rhetorical comment ' Infosys', smiled and said ' be careful next time' and let me off :). I was ready to pay the fine of 300 bucks for making a mistake, but well, I was let off with a warning. :)

Back in the car, my dad was telling me that the respect for Infosys and Wipro in Bangalore is very high, for the phenomenal job creation. And I guess I would agree. The top 3 IT companies, TCS , Infosys and Wipro are together creating one lakh jobs this year. These three alone employ 2 lakh people. Add all IT companies, IT enables services and the employment in the economy due to IT industry like cab services, drivers, security etc etc etc. The multiplier effect is phenomenal. I recently read an article which criticised the industry of being at the lower end of value chain like call centers and author called the Indian BPO workers cyber coolies. You know what, if by being at the lower end of the value chain I can create the employment that this industry is creating today, I would be more than happy to be there. I know of a family where the father was a priest in the local temple earning 4500-5000 a month. They struggled to make their son study engineering. My uncle had helped the son prepare for the entrance exams and interviews in IT companies and he got a job in the first company itself. The starting salary was 15000 a month. The entire family turned up the next day at my uncles place with a basket of fruits/sweets/ gifts etc. Their joy was something to see. THey knew that their life had changed forever and for the better.

The market forces will ensure that at the bottom of the value chain, I innovate or find a niche to stay on when competition comes my way or I will perish. I will also slowly start moving up the value chain once I acquire expertise. By branding the entire force as cyber coolies who do routine mechanical no brainer work and hence destined to doom is completely unacceptable.
I have been ranting quite a bit. Moral of the story, Please wear Infosys T shirts while driving in Bangalore :)
Now I am back in Bombay and back to work in my office seat. Suddenly life has become a routine (within a day) and I am feeling uneasy. Guess I am a nomad at heart and my thrills lie on the roads that in cubicles.

In the meanwhile here are a few pictures from Mahabs taken on my cell phone. So please excuse the quality, but do admire the beaches!






Friday, October 19, 2007

Travel and Learning

This has to be one of the best parts of my job. I get to meet people from different walks of life, in different parts of the country. Rural,urban, metros, small towns, men, women, kids, families and so on. My meeting is not just a Hi-hello kind of meeting, but I spend a few hours at their place, understanding their lives better, their dreams , their aspirations, hopes, worries among other things.

Over the last one year I have met and lived with families in the villages of Andhra Pradesh, 'dehat' in Uttar Pradesh, affluent families, lower middle class families in Bombay, Hyderabad, Delhi, Bangalore, Pune and Chandigarh. I am intrinsically a person who loves to have conversations. I talk to cab drivers, auto rickshaw- wallahs, paan wallahs on any topic under the sun. So this part of my job, where I get to 'live the lives' of people, albeit for half -a -day/ one day from such diverse backgrounds, gives me a huge, huge kick.

I am in the midst of such a trip where I am traveling to Mumbai, Chandigarh and Madras to meet people for the current research. The single biggest thing that I found in my current trip and from all the previous researches confirms what I have read about so much. 'we are a Nation in transition'. Its not that people in the villages never wanted progress before, or small town folks never wanted to make it big in the metros and the people in the metros never wanted to ape the cities in foreign shores.

But what I find now, is that there is a palpable excitement in the common man. They feel that progress is tangible and realisable in the not-so- distant future. They are hopeful about their future. Cynicism with the political class is still as prevalent as anytime, but more and more people are now asking and demanding what is their right - a chance to make their life better, to progress, and they are willing to work towards it.

The single biggest focus of every family I have met in the last one year is to provide their kids with English medium education. Some Villagers are moving to towns for a government school or convent education. The parents have changed their professions from farmers to daily wage earners to shopkeepers just so that their kids can attend a good school and have a bright future.I have met only a small section of people, may be 100 or so in the last one year, but when you get the same pattern throughout, you can be assured that you are onto something bigger.

I wish, if I may say, I have a dream ,that every citizen of this country being literate and having studied atleast upto class 10. And I am like every one of the people I met, hopeful. It is realisable in the next 20-25 years. Am I cynical? Yes. Somewhat. However, I rather translate this wish into practical positive action that be an arm-chair commentator.

Another underlying theme that comes across these researches is the pride in India and the new emerging self confidence. Some say that it is only a matter of time before we regain our rightful place in the world and nothing can stop us. It is here that I do not agree.

I love the passion in people. How I wish that we have a leader of great stature and statesmanship, who could channelize all this passion and energy into a vision and build a resurgent India. I guess, this is the one thing we lack today. As I look around, I see few leaders and no statesmen. One who can conjure up a dream, build it into a vision, sell it to the people, energise them and take the country forward. I do not think we need one person. Each section can have their own statesmen. As long as they have a common vision and a shared dream it will work just great. Democracy.

Sorry I digress here. I can talk forever on the topics of business, society, government, public policy,economics and the 'khichidi' of this.
Anyways, the point where I disagree is that we have a rightful place in this world which should be given to us. We do not have any rightful place. The only righful place is the place where we want to be and for that we need to work hard. Really hard.It will not be given to us on a platter.

The part which I fear (I have commented on this in Mahogany's blog) is the fact that this new found self confidence should not turn in over confidence and arrogance. we have not even achieved the tip of the so called iceberg of development. There is a long long way to go and we need to keep going on. While pride in our achievements is required, smugness is an unwanted guest. Its in our interest to stay humble of our achievements and realistic about the long road ahead.

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Switching gears, I landed in Chandigarh airport and drove to my hotel. I fell in love with the city on first sight. And yes, the first sight was from the plane when I saw a beautifully planned, neatly ordered city. Over two days, as I drove around the city, the broad roads, wide avenues and arcades, lush green trees, neatness deified, orderly driving all put together just wowed me. The sector 17 market is the biggest 'plaza' or city center I have ever seen in any city.

The city is neatly planned with rectangular sectors and each sector having its own market which is self contained with a post office, bank, grocery stores, pharmacy and other stores. It was the city Nehru took personal interest in designing and building. His dream of building a city that was unfettered by the past and a representation of the New India has been successful, I would say.

However, after the initial euphoria wore off, some things came to my notice. Most of the sectors and their markets are similar. There seems to be little novelty across sectors and their markets. Chandigarh is the capital of two states and a union territory by itself. So the number of government offices in that one city is phenomenal. And hence the number of government quarters is also big. And hence similar looking buildings :). Also, the city reminds me a lot of the socialist era where government built everything. One example to my mind is the markets in each of the sectors which has buildings with fixed size shops allotted. Imagine if the entire area was to be converted to a mall or a shopping arcade by private parties. Each market/ mall would vie to attract the crowd by novel designs, shops, entertainment and so on.

Having said all of this, to me Chandigarh represents the fact that we do have the capability of making great plans and executing them with excellence and at massive scale (that of the size of city). It is one city where I would want to go back again an maybe again and again. :)

pssss:I also got a chance to go to Kapil Dev's restaurant for dinner one night. The food was good, ambience nice and it was filled with pictures of Kapil Dev with many of the stars of the era. For a cricket buff, this was neat. There was one picture that will be forever etched in my memory. Kapil Dev lifting the Prudential Cup in 1983. I was a year old then, but I have heard innumerable times about the significant that victory was for us from cousins, parents, relatives and friends. It inspired Sachin Tendulkar, and gave a generation, their heroes.

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I was at the Chandigarh station which was filled with countless pigeons and mynahs chirping away. It was a orangish yellow hue created by the setting sun. The sun light filtered through the eucalytups trees behind the platform. The station was also not every big. Only two platforms and very neatly maintained. It was picture perfect. We (me and my colleagues) were greeted by a swank train that rolled into the platform.
I generally take overnight trains. Atleast off late that has been the case. I do not remember taking Shatabdi in the recent past. I entered my compartment to find it ultra cool. The seats were reclinable , big and totally comfortable. Each seat also had its own plug point which had square holes for foreign appliances. The overhead stowaway where we placed our suitcases were made of fibre glass giving the compartment a slick look. The service was nice. We were served with refreshments and three course meal and the food was good too.

I had the movie Blood Diamonds on my laptop which we saw and thanks to plug point, the battery never ran out :). Oh and btw, there was full cell network connectivity throughout the journey and as I have GPRS activated on my cell, I was connected to the net, surfing through and through. Unbelievable. I also was on Google talk and had a few conversations.

I am so totally impressed by the convenience. If you do have a chance to make train trips, do not miss them. I am pretty nostalgic about train journeys as I had written earlier here.

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In Delhi, we checked in to the company guest house by around 11 and after a some TV and small talk we crashed. I had my flight to Madras at 9.30 and was to leave the guest house by 8 for the airport. I was promptly woken up by the caretaker at 7.30 am with hot masala chai and biscuits by the bedside. While I finished my morning ablutions, I was served breakfast of toast, butter and cornflakes and some more brilliant masala chai. It felt so amazing. A great start with amazing chai. But more importantly, its been 7 years since I left home staying in hostels, with relatives and now by myself. I have been making coffee and breakfast for myself every morning. So for a few days when I visit home or relatives or guest house with attendant, I feel totally pampered and enjoy every bit of it. Small pleasures of life :)

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I am writing this post on my flight between Delhi and Madras. So looking forward to going to Madras. 2 out of 4 evenings in Madras will be spent at the beach :)

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

A slack period

I have been pretty busy off late. Last week was a busy week preparing for these two weeks. These two weeks I am traveling on work from Bombay to Chandigarh to Delhi to Madras to Bangalore and to Bombay.
Its not that my blogging is prolific, but the next two weeks I will have little access and even lesser time. So should be back with posts by end of the month.
And junta, if you guys have any suggestions on things to do in the above mentioned places, do drop in a word. Its my first visit to Chandigarh so I'm pretty excited. In Madras, there is this new Karaoke place opened up in Thiruvamyur, so would be hopefully checking that out.
Its feels nice to be traveling again. It been a while.

Monday, October 08, 2007

Shaken and Stirred

Last week I had a minor surgery on my right hand. A 20 minute operation with local anaesthesia. I guess I am fine now as I am able to type this post out. A little nagging pain but more or less, fine.

I reached the hospital around 9 in the morning when the doctor had one look at my hand and advised a minor surgery which I decided to take it that day itself. I was not told what time my surgery was scheduled and hence I sat in the operating theatre reception room from 11 to 4, till I was called in. In that period, almost every ward boy and nurse asked me who I was waiting for. They could not hide their surprise when I told them that I was the patient and had no one with me. I guess they were not used to seeing patients, that too for a surgery, alone.

Any ways, I went in to the theatre, lay on the table, had local anaesthesia administered, chit chatted with the surgeons while they were operating on me, completed the surgery, purchased the prescribed medicines and walked home.

The fun started an hour later when the effect of the anaesthesia started to wear off. I pride myself on being able to withstand a lot of pain. A wrist fracture, a wired ankle bone, a toe surgery and innumerable muscle tears, sprains and ligament injuries can make a person capable of bearing quite a bit of pain. But that day was something different.

I was alone at home when the pain started. It was acute, sharp, piercing and unbearable. I moved from one bed to another, from bed to sofa and from the sofa finally to the floor. I decided to have painkillers but I could not have them on an empty stomach. The only thing which was there at home on that day was maggi. I somehow managed to tear the packet open with my left hand and teeth and put some maggi to boil on the stove. By now the pain had reached alarming proportions. I was contemplating morphine injections, if only I knew where to find them and get a prescription for them. The maggi was done. The challenge was now to empty the cooked noodles from the pan onto the plate with only one hand. And somewhere in this process I burnt my left hand. A minor burn. But that was the tipping point. I gave in. I yelled loudly in pain. I don't know how I finished my maggi, but I did. I took my painkillers and lay on the bed. They were of little use.

Suddenly all un-nice memories start to flood me. I remember being surprised by those thoughts as I did not even know that they existed in my unconscious memory. They made me sadder and sharpened my pain. I decided to summon my own 'Patronus' by thinking of happy memories and happy times. I did conjure up happy scenes with my friends around. But most of them were happy when they occurred then, but not necessarily now. Suddenly all those events and memories which I had locked up in the recesses of my mind and had apparently forgotten came back to me, like a deluge when the floodgates are opened.

I gave up and caved in. I was physically and emotionally battered. I guess the painkillers did have their effect in a while and I slept off to wake up the next day morning. The pain had subsided substantially. Though I had to train my left hand to brush, I did manage to make coffee and was feeling better. But the ghosts of the past had come back to haunt and that was not something that I could easily forget.

I am much better and relaxed now. But many a times, these days, the calm facade, is just that - a facade. It is similar to a duck swimming in a pond. People can only see the grace and poise, but they fail to notice the near desperate paddling happening underneath the surface. But I know - This shall also pass.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Restlessness settled!

What follows is part 3 . Read part 1 and part 2 .
Dear Anand,

I know that it would have been a huge shock to you when those divorce papers were given to you. And you have been trying to talk to me for the past month now, but I have avoided all contact with you. This last one month of solitude and soul searching has helped a lot. I felt that I was just submerged in every day events that I did not know where my life was headed. I needed some time alone to do all this thinking. Some space, if I may call it so.

You are a good kid Anand and we had some good times together. Anand, you would remember that one night, I told you about the things that I wanted the most. Some of them were things, which if I pursued, would have put a strain on our marriage. But what you do not know Anand, that there are certain things that I hated the most. Like our freakishly disciplined lifestyle.

This past one month has taught me one very important thing. Sometimes, the things that we hate the most can also become the very same things that we miss the most. Anand, I know I have made a mistake. I just hope that it isn't late. I have so much to tell you, and that is exactly what I want to do. ‘tell you'- talk to you. I can't make myself pick up the phone call you and start this conversation. (You would know that from the number of blank calls I gave you when we were dating). Just let me know its ok to call you, I will. I have an open ticket back to Madras with me and am willing to take tonight's flight. When you know that there is a better life waiting for you, you would want that to start right now, right?

Dying to hear from you.
love
Priya

She read the mail, re read the mail, re re read the mail, till she had almost memorized the words. She clicked on the read receipt option and clicked on the send mail button.

Priya shut the laptop, closed her eyes and leaned back on her chair taking a deep breath. She was livid with herself over the events in the past two months and how she had created the mess. The events replayed in her mind over and over again and she was unable to shut these thoughts out. She walked up to window, opened it and stuck her head. The icy winds of Chicago were almost piercingly cold. The sting made it physically impossible to let her thoughts wander. She had begun to like the few minutes she spent in the cold. She walked back to her laptop. She had a post ready for her anonymous blog where she had been pouring her heart out over the past two months.

A message from Anand was waiting for her. A strange feeling took over her. She was happy to have received a reply so soon, but the very thought of what could be in there, made her quiver.
Priya,

The thing I like about you most is that you were always strong willed and took bold decisions. Not necessarily the right ones always. Your decisions were centred on your happiness and what you felt was the best for you. I guess, that was fine when we were friends, and it was a small issue when we were dating. But I was sure that it would change post our wedding. Apparently not.

Kiddo, while you are in the process of soul searching, do consider what I have just said. If we are to get back together, we take decisions as 'we' and not 'I'. Having said that, this one decision whether to come back home should be solely yours.

Still Smittenly yours,
Anand

Priya picked up the phone, 'Hello, Yes hi, I have an open ticket to Chennai, India. When is the earliest availability?'

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Serene

'Arun, drop me at the koil please.'

' Ma, Isn't God everywhere? Then why do you go to temples? '


'I am not goin to get into this arguement with you.'

'That is because you do not have a good enough reason. '

' Oh, is that what you think? Look, more often than not, temples are places where people leave negative thoughts out when they walk in. So the entire place is filled with positive vibrations. I feel happy when I go there.'

' Well, I cannot argue with that. As long as you do not tell me that you go there to earn religious currency, it is fine with me. If you do it to make yourself happy, thats good. '

' Good. That closes this topic. Now drop me at the temple. '
---------

Arun was reversing his car after dropping his mother, when he saw her parking her scooty. He just could not take his eyes off her. A sense of calm prevailed on her face.
She was in a hurry. She was buying 'archanai thattu', setting her hair after removing her helmet, answering a call on the cell and removing her slippers all at the same time. Yet, she seemed so much in control. Grace. Yes, that is the word. There was grace in all her movements.

Arun, parked the car and followed her into the temple. He caught her skipping as she washed her legs and walked through the hot parankallu to enter the sannidhi. A small token thoppukaranam later, she scampered into a small hall in the side of the temple.

Arun,entered the hall to find himself in the middle of a lecture,where a Swamiji was talking to the gathering which was predominantly grey and white-haired. As Arun turned to leave, the Swamiji paused and said, 'It is nice to see even the younger generation interested in our scriptures.' Arun turned back towards the hall, only to be greeted by over fifty pairs of eyes. He gave a sheepish grin and quickly seated himself on the nearest chair.
For the next 10 minutes Arun eyes scanned the hall for a her but could not spot her. The lecture ended and he was about to leave when he saw her at the other end of the room.

' Arun, what a surprise seeing you here.'

' Well, Ma, I was curious.'

'So, how did you find the lecture?'
' Well.. uh... hmm.... interesting, if I may say that.' Arun was desperately tryin to remember something from the lecture.
' Good. I am happy you liked it. '
---*--
'Ma, you are late. Let us go. '
' I am surprised Arun. I thought your interest would die down after the first lecture. But its been four weeks now and you are regular. '

'I have a question for you. After we die, depending on our karma and dharma, our souls either get moksha or there is reincarnation in some form right? '

'Well... I guess so. '

' Then, why do we regularly pray for the souls of our ancestors through various rituals when technically, their souls don't exist as their souls any more?'
'Hmm.. good question. Why don't you ask swamiji today? '

' Maybe I will. '
' I like this though. You are asking questions and you now seek to understand. This, even Arun had noticed.

Arun had seen the girl every week for the past four weeks. She must also be the philosophical kind. Today , he would speak to her.
--
'Today we shall talk about detached- attachment.' Swamiji's voice filled the hall.

Maybe she is late. The traffic is heavy today.

She never came.
--------
' Swamiji.. Swamiji..'

' Oh sorry, my child, what were you asking again? '

The disciple looked up at Sri Arun, who looked serene in his white flowing robes.
' How did you know that this was your path in life? Did you have an inspiration or a divine revelation?'
Sri Arun closed his eyes, took a deep breath, opened his eyes and replied, 'Inspiration and indication can come from unknown sources. Strange are the ways of the lord.'


Friday, September 14, 2007

Vinayaka Chaturthi

Vinayak or Ganesh Chaturthi, reminds me of my grandparents and my stay with them. I was brought up in Ranchi, Jharkhand and then moved to Bangalore, while my grand parents were always in Madras. So my interactions with my grand parents was generally restricted to the two month long summer vacations alone. (2 month long vacations... those were the days...) When I decided to move to Madras for engineering, I had the chance to stay with my grandparents for 3 years.


At first I found living with my grand parents difficult, for there were a lot of no-cannot-do things. There used to be a lot of pent up frustration, for I would never speak back or raise my voice, ever. But the longer I stayed with them, the more I began to appreciate their way of life. There was so much discipline and structure to their lives. At first I was not too fond of discipline, but when I realised that discipline gave rise to the structure, I began to enjoy the way of life.


My grandparents are pretty religious. (I do not know about myself, yet) So we used to celebrate Ganesh Chaturthi, Krishna Jayanthi, Diwali, Pongal etc at home. There would always be 'Poojai' at home. The run up to the date of the 'poojai' would be me going around the market buying flowers, 'arukam pul' (A kind of grass), fruits and so on. My granny would make the right savouries according to the function.

Among the festivals Ganesha Chaturthi was special because I would be asked to do the Poojai. I am not very ritualistic, but when I do take part, I am very sincere about it and try to do it in the 'right way'. So, on Ganesh chaturthi I would wake up early, have bath and start preparing for the poojai. I would not eat till the entire poojai was completed. I would try and do all the rituals properly, chant the mantras to the best of my abilities. Ofcourse, my grandfather would sit next to me and literally handhold me through the entire poojai. I should admit that I was pretty clueless the first year, but by the third year I was pretty good at it :)


To me, Ganesh Chaturthi was like a great bonding occasion. My grandfather would teach me the right way of doing the rituals. He would explain why certain things were done and what were the reasons. I pride myself on being the 'rational guy', so I would ask questions on the 'whys?' of everything and he would patiently explain, what he felt were the reasons. So the poojai that should take 45 minutes would take an hour and a half or more. My granny meanwhile would give my grandfather constant reminders that her grandson was foodless since dawn and that he should not be troubled so much. The poojai would then end and food would be served with those amazing Kozhakottais and jaggery payasam. But the conversation between me and my grandfather would continue onto religion, mythology, philosophy, scriptures, politics and so
on. And a few more kozhakattais would be gulped down. And then we would finally stop, because we all would want to catch a nice siesta after the heavy meal.

At the end of it all, I would be happy that I was successful in being a good grandson. My
grand father would be happy that everything went on well. I sometimes got the feeling that he felt happy also because he could pass on some of his knowledge and tradition down the family. And my grand mother would be happy that we had finished her yummy kozhakottais completely. And overall, I am sure Ganesha would have liked the way we celebrated his birthday.


I miss not being there for Ganesh Chaturthi with my grandparents. I was trying to figure out what exactly I missed? Was it the conversations, the ritual or the food. It then dawned upon me that it was a bit of everything. It was shopping for the veggies and fruits and flowers for the poojai. It definitely is the poojai itself where the grandson was trying to learn and impress his grand dad. It is the poojai again because my grandfather used to teach me with so much involvement,belief and faith that it was inspiring. And it definitely is the kozhakattais to complete the entire event.


Tomorrow is 'Ganesh Chaturthi'. And I am in Bombay, alone, missing those kozhakattais .*sigh*

Monday, September 10, 2007

Dreams

It is the promised land that I have dreamt of.

I bask in the Sunshine of Happiness; soaking-in the simple joys. Clouds of Desire shower me with the choicest of wishes. Gentle winds of content, sooth my fluttering soul.

My eyes scan the clear horizon, I see my path of purpose in front. Suddenly, I am not worried whether it is an oft taken path or a rarely taken one; Or whether I am trailing a path or pathing-a-trail. For it does not matter - Because it is 'my path'.

A voice bellows from the sky, 'Choose any one. The sun, the rain, the wind or the path. When you wake up its yours forever.' Without a pause, I shout back, ' No. Never. I do not want to stop dreaming!'