Perspective

I was talking to a younger friend of mine. He is just starting off his career. Out of an engineering college, he landed into a software techie role. He detests the coding job from bottom of his heart. This is causing him much grief. I guess he is in the process of figuring out what he wants to do with work/ life etc.

A couple of days ago a friend of mine mailed me and 5 or 6 others, generally updating us on her life. This mailing list is a group of us who know each other well, used to hang out in college. Over the past few years after engineering, each of us moved on in the path that we chose/ life took us. So when this one friend mailed in couple of days ago, everyone chipped in with their replies and updates.

That mail trail is an interesting read. People are in different parts of the world and each of them in a different phase of life. One is married, one more engaged. The rest of us are still free birds. Some of us plan to stay single for good. One is searching for a job, one left a lucrative career to be with the love of her life in a different country. One loves her job and is enroute to becoming a CEO but she sits in a small factory town. One quit coding because she hated it, did an MBA and now isn't too happy with her job post MBA. One likes what she is doing, but wondering when exactly she should shake up the status quo. I like what I am doing, but am restless, don’t know why. In all, all of us seem to have made some progress but we are still searching, prodding around. In fact as many stated in as many words, we could spend another decade and not be sure what we want in life.

I wish, I can tell my young friend that he may be in the same situation 5 years later or may be even 15 years later. But I am sure this is the last thing he wants to hear. It is not just the destination but the journey also that is fun. Success, when one achieves the defined by destination, is a big high, giving a feeling of being on the top-of-the-world. But sometimes defining a destination alone can be limiting, giving us a false or temporary sense of success. The journey on the other hand, is where I believe, we grow up (hopefully!). For a while, it may seem like for every one step forward, we slip two steps back, but ultimately the momentum kicks in and things take off. After all, mistakes, miss-steps and false starts are what successful (wo)men call experience.

And finally, we need to sometimes, take a larger perspective and enjoy this journey, for we will pass through this way, only once in our lifetime.

Where is the party - Ada Namma uttla party!!!

This space has been neglected for the past couple of weeks. Not necessarily because I was busy, but because somehow I felt I did not have anything to say. (Now don't ask me if whatever I have said here so far is of supreme value or not ;) )

Last month has been different, if I may say so. Three of my friends and I took a 5 day short holiday to Sri Lanka - where we did a road trip across Sri Lanka. We had a great deal on flight tickets which we capitalised really well. 5 days was perfect, not too long, not too short. We did something different, something new each day. From beaches to temples to forts to hikes, it was a lot of fun. 5 days just whizzed by. Sigh!

This Sri Lanka trip was my first 'vacation' vacation in last 3 years. Yes, I have taken breaks but they were always one or two days off whenever I travel to a new place on work or couple of days if I go home. But this time I was in a faraway land where I was incommunicado. And I realised something very simple. Your surroundings influence you and your thoughts profoundly. When in Bombay (oops Mumbai) I can never switch off from routine work/ thoughts. When at home in Bangalore/ Chennai I cannot escape conversations or thoughts which still link back to a lot of memories (good and not so good). However, when I was in SL, I was switched off completely from routine life and conversations. It was refreshing.

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I recognise one aspect of my life - that I am immensely Lucky. I won the genetic lottery. I have great family and friends who can be called upon selfishly at any time for anything. I truly consider myself privileged. I also recognise that luck and good fortune has had a big role in my life as it does on everyone's life. Somehow I never get to articulate my thoughts and feelings to convey why I feel so strongly about this. I guess I am linguistically challenged. Hence I did the next best thing. Found someone who shares similar thoughts but can articulate it much better than I ever could.

I would recommend everyone to spare 20 min of their precious time to listen through this video.

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Two years ago, I was shifted into the team I am currently working in. For the first year or so I was working full time on this team and project and for past year my responsibilities are split between this team and a new project. Being part of this team and project has been an absolute pleasure. I know that I put in tremendous effort for this team, more than any other projects/ teams that I have worked on. And it never felt like hard work.

I remember this one time, December 2007, when I had to travel from Delhi to Ludhiana. There were no day train tickets available, so I was forced to take the night train. It was 1 degree Celsius that night and in second class compartment with the wind chill factor it was close to -1 or -2 degrees. I couldn't sleep one bit that night. I had never before experiences such cold and was ill equipped in terms of warm clothes. I thought I would freeze to death and my body could be used for some cryogenic experiments, all in the interest of science and humanity. I couldn't even sit down as the berths were frigid. I kept walking around the compartment the entire night. It did not help much when I noticed that there were only 2 others in the compartment that night. That moment I realised that if I were to sleep, I would either be frozen on mugged. Sleep deprived, cold, icicled, I walked into my hotel at 5 am, had a hot water bath and went straight to work.

This is just a funny anecdote for me. I knew I had to get the work done and the train journey was a minor irritant that had to be dealt with. But for another person I know, an incident like this, is yet another reason to crib about their job. Disregarding all other parameters and over simplifying everything else, I have come to the conclusion that the only reason, I worked harder, longer and yet did not think that it was such a pain, was because I was having fun. The team members of team A were fabulous and we got on really well. Also, we were doing something for first time in India, so there was almost entrepreneurial like feeling to the team and the work that we were doing.

Over the last year, 2 of the team mates have moved on, things are different now. Having been in this project for close to two and a half years, I have been asking for a change for a while. And I definitely think, it is time to move on for personal growth. The last few months on this project have been dull and hence it had coloured my perception of the entire three year experience.

All that changed on Friday night. Friday was our company's annual meet where we celebrated last year's performance. I won an award for 'Breakthrough Performance' on this project. The cash isn't big - a small gift voucher but the significance of the award hit me much later, when I was contemplating on the last 3 years. Working on this team and this project has equipped me with certain experiences and skill sets that are quite unique and very few people in the Indian FMCG industry have. I loved working on this project and with the team and guess what, over the past 3 years I have been recognized for my performance at various forums internally a record 6 times.

I don't write this here to brag. Yes a few compliments would be welcome :). But intent of my sharing this is that I learnt something very important. It is essential to pause occasionally and introspect. We are so busy in our day to day lives and so obsessed with planning and plotting for the next goal that we forget to recognise how far we have already come. Internalising this simple aspect, can be a source of immense self confidence. The above observation is true for me. I am spending this weekend, in my bed (as I am down with viral Fever :( ), gloating over my achievements. Monday morning is work as usual. The cycle for this year starts. The trophy closet means nothing more than higher expectations and bigger challenges to the outside world. But that is tomorrow. Today I am self indulgent.

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Onam to Karma

Happy Onam to all! I wish I could also have Kolan-Olan-Pachadi-Kichadi. I am not a Mallu. But that has never stopped my mom from making Olan, avial and payasam on Onam days. Sadly I have to make do with chapati-dal and sabji today. Sigh!

Few folks wished me Happy Onam. I was like pleasantly surprised. So when probed further, I was told that it is some south Indian festival, so I was being wished. Watever!

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A quiet weekend passed by.

I had a long conversation, lasting over few hours with my friend in US late on Friday night lasting well into the wee hours of Saturday morning. She is one of my closest friends. We've known each other for more than a decade. The funny part is that I have met her only twice, that too very briefly (max 2 hrs in total) in the past decade. We talk to each other once in couple of months; sharing small laughs and big gossips, discussing our big problems and small victories. She is my confidante, a person far removed from my regular life, to whom I talk with carefree abandon.

She has been in midst of problems and issues for a while. From playing the mediator to (supposedly) being the problem itself, she has braved it all. Caught and torn between people she loves, she cannot take sides. This hence makes her nobody's favourite. This definitely sounds quite like a drama series/ or a mega serial script with all the right elements. But sadly that is how it really is.

She is quite an inspiration. The way she has been handling the entire situation over past few years - sagacity, maturity and dignity – Exemplary! All I can offer her today is a patient ear and a silent prayer that things will get better. I know they will. I just hope it is sooner than later.

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I hurt my back a few months ago and after that my gym was being renovated. So I haven't been to my gym in the past 2-3 months. Yesterday the gym re-opened. It is refurbished, looks swanky and has quite a few new equipments. I promptly walked in to the gym with all enthusiasm. The moment I stepped on the weighing machine I realised that the scale was faulty. Or so I thought. I called upon the instructor to set it right. He insisted that the machine was perfectly fine. I asked him to read my weight accurately. He nonchalantly mentioned that I had lost 3 kgs in past two months. WooHoo!

And that piece of news basically did it. I lost all the enthusiasm I had for the gym. Finished. However , given the fact that I was at the gym and had changed already, I decided to test my stamina. I ran a mile or so in around 12 minutes flat. 50 crunches and 200 skips later, I declared with trumpets blowing all around that I was in super fit condition. and that I had discovered weight loss secrets unknown to all. I diddn't need the gym anymore. But my dearest friend MJ disagrees. She has threatened to yell at me if I discontinue my gym sessions. Given that I chat with her all through the day, I don’t really want to be at the receiving end of the yelling. So my gym sessions are going to continue for a few weeks I guess.

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I have always believed that work is just one aspect of our lives. It needn't and shouldn't be taken too seriously. A bad day is just that- A bad day. No point fretting over it. Work is marathon and not a 100 m dash. Etc. I have seldom carried my mood home from work in the last 3.5 years. However this time it is different. Something happened recently at work and I am generally irritated about it. I feel I have worked hard, earned and even I deserve what has been denied to me. It is even more unfair that I am the only person singled out from a group to be denied an opportunity. I strongly believe that whatever happens happens for the best. But, I am unable to see it. And this is not even the first time. that something similar is happening to me. Quite de-motivating.

Somewhere, I am desperately hoping that I will be able to encash all the positive Karma that I have hopefully accumulated for myself over all these years. Anyways, tomorrow is another day. Shall pick up my bag and trudge back to work. *crossed fingers, Crossed toes* Hoping for some luck*

Single in the City

NY Times website has this interesting section called Schotts Vocab. This page captures interesting new words/ phrases from cross the world like

Stealth Wealth : Shopping discreetly (“stealth spending”) or buying unbranded products (“hidden luxury”) in an attempt to make one’s consumption less conspicuous during a recession.

Twitchhiking : Traveling using transport and accommodation provided (solely) by fellow Twitterers. (Twitter + hitchhiking.) - Read about the project here.

Today, I came across a something interesting.

Guyological Clock - “The phenomenon of single career men in their late thirties who suddenly experience social pressure to get married.”

Well, in the American context it would be late thirties, but in the India context for guys it is late 20s, and girls would be mid 20s? Also social pressure in India is more of family pressure, I guess.

Well, my case is different, I must say. My poor parents are facing an unrelenting barrage of questions on why I am not hitched yet or in the process of being hitched up yet. So much so that they are dreading family and social functions. None of those questions reach me and I am quite well shielded from my relatives. My parents, under tremendous pressure, looking for an outlet decided to confront me one fine day in the recent past. The trigger for this conversation was that a family friend of ours (for 30+ years) had just announced that both their sons (my age and two years younger respectively) had girl friends. (I knew that through Facebook hah!) And no, it does not end there. The mother ( S Aunty) had spent a weekend each with the two girls shopping, cooking, bonding and had given strong thumbs-up to their sons' choices. Of course there were some small adjustment issues but overall it was a clear yes.

Now my mom, I think, was facing intense peer pressure. So she calls me up and in highly agitated state says that I am not doing anything to help her situation. She demanded to know why I was only adding to her problems in her old age. (Wildly exaggerated for effect - she is only 51). I was confused. She demanded an explanation from me on why I did not have a girl friend and now she was under added pressure of finding me a 'good girl', a responsibility she thought she would be absolved of.

I was flummoxed here. This was a completely new situation for me. Projecting past experiences of Indian society, it was only natural to assume that finding the right girl or guy for their kids, would bring ultimate joy to Indian parents. Clearly, there had been a tectonic shift in societal thinking and I had been unaware of it. Added to the suddenness of the conversation, there was much embarrassment for me. My mother was asking me direct questions like why I don't have a girl friend.

Readers would realize that in era B.D (Before Dostana), these were innocuous questions often asked by uncles and aunts (prodded by parents of course) at family get-togethers to ostensibly embarrass the kids. Those questions meant nothing then. However, we live in circa 2 AD (After Dostana) and such questions are not simple any more. They are layered and nuanced. It is not just the answers that you give, but the manner (and mannerisms) with which you deliver it are all captured for post -processing. Suddenly, I started regretting an earlier conversation with my mother where I had raved about Dostana. It my defense it was only because I found Priyanka Chopra smoking-hot in the movie. Of course I carefully censored the smoking hot part and spoke only about the movie, which could well have been the trigger.

Luckily for me, my mom was under no such delusions (phew!) and the topic quickly moved on. She started recollecting her conversation with S aunty, where S aunty had described in vivid detail how nervous she had been, probably, more than the girls, on meet-the-parents day. By the end of the conversation, I realised that I was no longer in touch with reality around me. Potential mom-in-laws being nervous during meet-the-parents day was clearly not the norm according to all the popular TV serials with high TRP numbers.

I have heard and passed through the days in college when there used to be an underlying peer pressure to have girlfriend/ boy friend. I am even living through and surviving these much disturbing days where most of my friends are married. But clearly, I am caught in new territory faced with this unique parental pressure of having a girlfriend. Sigh! Being single just got tougher.